I thought we agreed he beat off in the shower. 

MUDBUTT

Meanwhile in Baltimore...

If Baker Mayfield managers to lead the Browns back from two scores down on a Thursday Night Football game, he should automatically win MVP.

I can relate. The gym is about dominance. Throw a med ball off the ceiling. Rearrange the treadmills. Deny people water. It’s a jungle, and you have to make it your jungle.

It’s not an Odell Beckham catch until a random woman films you in bed doing cocaine.

Not for long!

“Ass, aged 27 years, probably from Long Island” - Derek Jeter

They just announced he is going to give it a try to open the second half.

The Browns were +5 in takeaways today. Since the Browns returned to the NFL, teams with a turnover margin of +5 or better in a game are 132-4-1. The Browns are responsible for two of those losses and the tie.

I’m calling it now: The Browns are going 0-0-16 this season. 

Do not worry, Celtics fans. His lawyer is on the way.

We get it, Brady isn’t a receiver. You don’t have to rub his nose in it. 

YOU’RE HIRED

JUST ONCE I would like for Deadspin to produce some un-Baezed commentary

After that collision Phillips may be a flathead. 

So you failed to properly clear a bike riding legally in the bike lane before turning in front of them. Yep, you’re the asshole.

This is kinda funny, because they are annoying. But I’d also say that there’s something very twisted about all the fat people driving polluting cars that complain so much about people who exercise, alleviate traffic problems, and don’t pollute during their commutes.

Bikes are allowed on roads.  Suck it up.