He hired OJ Simpson Asset Recovery Services

I used to fuck guys like you in prison

If you don’t think he typed this post on one knee, you are crazy. 

That’s a good idea. Another thing I could do is tear my scrotum open with the edge of an old cat food can, and then scoop the testicles out with a melon baller.

Commenters’ lives don’t matter, that’s for damn sure.

I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of Cardinals fans cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear we’ll never learn which lives matter.

He needs to focus more on trying not to get his ass kicked by Beto O’Rourke in November.

The only thing more England than being England immediately is tricking people into thinking you might not be England and then being England

Forget about it, Doc. It’s Javy time.

This is a butt take. 

One man can’t be that smooth. He just can’t.

whats above hyperbole? superbole? megabole? manute bol?

What sucks is that this makes total sense for Boogie. He’ll hit a market flush with more cap space and another year removed from an Achilles injury, and after he wins a championship, the loser/cancer label will be gone. I can’t even cry foul here.

They’ve been biased before. Nobody really wants to see them biased again.

I've seen that grip a whole lot of times, but never outside of incognito mode.

Eh, predictable. Just like his mom, he couldn’t resist the West.

Right? The Earth should have been a disc.

Papyrus. This feels like a place for papyrus pathos.

So how angry is Dan Gilbert this time? Is he Comic Sans angry, or just Copperplate Gothic angry?

“Lord help us if that boy stays on the roster.”