Knowing JPP’s talent, I’m sure getting those sacks will be a hell of a lot easier than counting them.

The real tragedy here is that Bartolo Colon failed to get out of the stadium in time to make it to Old Country Buffet before they closed for the night.

If it’s true that he didn’t know while he was pitching, that means someone leaked that shit before Volquez was informed. And that person needs to be hunted down and set on fire, because that means that dude was pitching game 1 while the whole world knew about his father’s death before he did. And that's fucked up.

Settle down and finish your Subway, Robert.

!

Well, they have a bye next week, but it’s Kirk Cousins, so he still may find a way.

I cant wait for this motherfucker to throw 3 pick-sixes next week.

It feels like these stories keep happening with the same response: kid dies, Internet is bummed out, adjusts fantasy teams and move on.

terrible tragedy. My heart goes out to his family.

If your play designed for a fake punt has less strategy than the Breakthrough and Conquer event from American Gladiators, then you probably want to go back to the drawing board with it.

I knew there was no way it could've actually been from a Bears player tackling him.

I feel the same way about the “Big Bang Theory” ads running every commercial break.

I hope Deadspin learns from this. Fat guy touchdowns is WHY Deadspin has come along this far. It is NOT because you feature some sour-face euro trash from Chelseas or whatever the fuck they are called. Stop featuring soccer and do more of these stories!!!

Looks like its curtains for her.

Should we be concerned you seemingly have a database of sad female Alabama fans?

You may remember, after that Auburn loss two years ago, a woman literally killed her friend for not being sad enough about the game. In Tuscaloosa, looking sad when Bama loses is simply a matter of survival instinct.

Barber: What kind of look are you going for, bud?

Sure, they may be sad now, but the nice thing about living in Alabama is that you have two good teams to root for. I bet there's a smile on their faces after Auburn's win on Monday!

Press Release