You win for Best Comeback.

Dad when I was 15: “You could stand to lose a few...” I was around 135 then...and I’m 5’7”.

I starred this, but not because I approve of your mom’s behavior.

My mom is an incredible woman but suffers from alcoholism. Sometimes she is a very mean drunk and during those times she has said the most cruel things about my appearance- seizing on my insecurities I had shared with her and throwing them back in my face. But the worst was when she sarcastically said my rape was hard…

“You are the fattest person I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting.” -Mom

Quick, someone get Katie Holmes on the phone to start planning her escape.

It’s because they aren’t upset that Josh abused his sisters or cheated on his wife. They are upset that a reporter discovered that those things happened and made them public. They weren’t upset when it was their secret.

It’s the vacant eyes and smiling face of submission.

Honestly... she’s got 4 small children she’s taking care of on her own, my guess is she needs the money. Which really makes me sad.

My one aunt is a former nun, who left the convent and became a Jew.

Fuck TLC, I hope that no one watches this show, or that advertisers refuse to pay for ads for it, but most of all I hope that some corporate fuck pulls their head out of their ass long enough to realize they could generate some good PR by providing the victims with enough money to cover the therapy they deserve.

I really feel for Anna. I wonder what kind of contract they’ve got her under that she has to do this shit, too. I can’t imagine it’s voluntary.

Oh, oh, I have an asshole-nun story.

Yes, she gives me $7,000 per post. It freaking rules.

Whenever I see a story like this, I always want to survey the bridesmaids: “How many of you thought the groom was a total dick prior to his ultimate dick move?”

Worst of all? This was the text:

I already bought ALL of them. You can buy them back from me....10 dollars a jar.

NOBODY BUY MASON JARS. YOU’RE DRIVING UP THE PRICE AND I NEED THEM FOR CANNING PURPOSES.

me when u try to pop off

I wish to be this lady’s friend. She kicks ass and will not brook nonsense, but also knows how to party hard.