Facebook is the real Freedom Tech.

Amazon Just Walk Out stores are fantastic. They are exactly like the Diggers Free Stores in Haight-Ashbury back in 1966 and 67. The communal spirit is the same. Anyone who was in the Haight in the sixties will tell you that. Everyone who comes into the Just Walk Out store takes only what they need. And there’s no…

Don’t forget to wipe the keyboard with isopropyl alcohol after your grandchildren have used the computer. Seniors are vulnerable to COVID-19 infections and children are potent germ vectors. Also remember to get your booster shots.

We seniors know about Google. We prefer having the best computer tutorials collected in one senior-friendly website with a helpful community of commenters. These skills may be basic to you but to us they’re not.

Thank you for this amazing well-explained tutorial. I have some Joni Mitchell CDs that I’ve wanted to record but I didn’t know how until now. I’ll recommend Gizmodo to all my friends. They are seniors like me. I can’t wait to hear my recording of Court and Spark in my car.

It would be awesome if Disney were to host a pediatric sex change clinic on park property just to stick it to DeSantis. That’s what I would do if I were the CEO of Disney. Also the warm weather and cheerful amusement park atmosphere would help the children recover from their surgeries.  Everybody wins, except bigots.

Both parties send all of Crystal’s tax dollars to Ukrainian President Zelenskyy and do nothing to alleviate her credit card debt to help her pay for the updated COVID-19 vaccine inoculation, which is no longer free. That’s what she said.

None of Crystal’s progressive friends in the state of Iowa are voting. America’s two-party system is a fake democracy which offers only senile male perverts as candidates.  That’s what she said.

I was at the rally. I took the opportunity to speak to female American graduate student Crystal Jewell. Crystal is convinced there’s no point in voting. American democracy is broken and she won’t waste any more of her time on it.  That’s what she said.

I’m seeing a LOT of DeSantis voters on Twitter saying they’re switching to RFK Jr. They say Nikki Haley is no different from Hillary Clinton. Is that true? It would make me look more favorably on Nikki if it were.

So exhausted by this ineffectual courtroom bickering. The fate of Democracy is hanging in the balance.

Just like Bernie, RFK Jr. relies 100% on individual donations from you, the voter. RFK Jr. doesn’t want celebrity money because he doesn’t want to be beholden to anyone or anything except you, the voter.

Genuinely bummed out by the site closure. I’d like to express my gratitude to the Jezebel staffers for generally being good sports about my tomfoolery these past few years. I’ll confess to having some Tomato-style accounts here. Yes, I was Crystal Jewell, the 25-year old grad student from Iowa — along with some…

Speaker McCarthy keeps exceeding my expectations. I thought he’d be a wishy-washy figurehead, not a real leader; instead he’s turned out to be a fearless and skillful opponent of Trumpism. Again and again he has stared Trumpist bullies like Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene straight in the eye and told them to go…

Is the neckbeard Hamilton Nolan? I remember there were accounts that made lots of folks wonder if they were Hamilton’s.

Back when Splinter was alive, there were discussions about which sock puppets belonged to which writers. Some were pathetically obvious (the neckbeard writer, whose name I can’t remember, was terrible at hiding his), others more opaque. But troll accounts would mysteriously disappear when writers were fired or moved…

I think we can all agree that Crystal was Laura Bassett. Laura resigned on Monday and decided to take Crystal with her. It’s a shame. Who knew Laura had such a flair for creative trolling?

Dammit. That was the most creative, confounding troll I’ve ever come across. It felt like a person from a slightly different dimension. I’ll miss her and her unaborted daughter, Julia. 

You’ve forgotten your history. Everyone knew RBG was gambling with Roe by refusing to retire during Obama’s presidency. At the time we liberals cursed RBG because we thought the stakes were too high to gamble, but in retrospect, they really weren’t. And RBG had a damn good reason for rolling the dice: she wanted the…

The loss of Roe is turning out to be no big deal. We all panicked for nothing. I’ll eat some crow and admit Ruth Bader Ginsburg was smarter than I gave her credit for.