If you’re going to try for second, keep going for third. All she - er, they can do is say no. And if she's - er, I mean, the ump? - doesn't call you out, then keep going home, where you can...score? I don't know, some metaphor about fucking.

I took my niece to a game, and she got a ball from a visiting player. It was Jason Giambi, and he never called her after that.

“Trust me, it’s a whole lot less effort with a tiny rubber white cock and a one-ball reservoir. Or, uh, so I’m told....”

Both groups went on hundreds of escort missions, so that’s a fair mistake.

I’m an actual lawyer (not that cool)

Freddie: *smashes a home run*
Me: *makes fun of little Charlie for getting owned by his dad*
Freddie: *runs offscreen*
Me (seeing that he never returns to the picture): “Just like my dad!”

Freddie Freeman Crushes Towering Tater Off His Own Child

No need to discharge good seamen so hastily.

If only Marge Schott was alive to see this. 

Right there is everything that’s wrong with baseball.

Surprisingly few of them are backwards

“Fake news. I read on Breitbart that the caddy is a liberal, Trump-hating plant put in place at the club by the DNC. He changed the ball out without the President’s knowledge then leaked it to the press to make him look bad. No obstruction. No collusion. Build the wall. #MAGA”

Yeah this is beef tartare.

Oh, so now Trump doesn’t like it when the competitor that comes in second ends up winning on a technicality?

You play a Slazenger 7, don’t you Mr. Trump?

I'm still coming to grips that we both find his daughter attractive.

nachos, vomit and a whiff of fireworks. 

So we’re in agreeance. Dick eating all around!

Oh shit, a hashtag! That’s a sick burn, bro!

“It just felt white, y’know?”