Oh no! The bachelor has colonized my brain and now all I can take from your comment is “They’re here for the wrong reasons” and “I’m not here to make friends.”

This was a very earnest response to my joking endorsement of mutual masturbation.

Well said, although this seems unreasonably down on mutual masturbation.

I know that English is an incredibly difficult language to learn and I have nothing but respect for non-native speakers who manage to become conversant, but: non-native speakers getting all worked up and trying to swear in English is just the best. Pussy dick AND pussy ass? [Kisses fingertips.] Magnifique.

So, a team that won’t make it out of the east?

I only escaped after realizing that all of the young tenure-track professors in my field, even at rural directional schools, were coming from the same handful of Ivy League programs. The only professors with degrees from programs like mine were in their seventies and had written seminal textbooks that had been in…

So the officer brutalizes a dude for no reason and the punishment only puts him 2.5 days below .500? Disgraceful!

I hope he sues this Berk so bad he goes crying home to Mummy. (And the HFPA goes crying home to Mummy, 2.)

Whoops. Nevermind.

You’re absolutely right that they don’t have max contracts. But if you look at a list of the albatross contracts across the league, you’ll find that very few of them are max contracts. It turns out that overpaying limited role players is costly. This apparently has something to do with all contracts contributing…

It is upsetting to me that Livingston doesn’t have a 30 for 30. His story is phenomenal.

I’ve seen this said a lot — that Jordan Bell is Draymond Green’s successor — and it sort of makes sense if you view Green as a small-ball center, but isn’t his value really derive not only from his defense (which Bell could maybe one day provide, although assuming any rookie is going to reliably provide equal defense…

He definitely didn’t pick every dude on the roster right now (originally misspelled “dude” as “dud”; am now regretting correcting it). That having been said, the anchors of Tristan Thompson’s and J.R. Smith’s contracts are entirely the product of Lebron James insisting the front office give them what they want. So, to…

I don’t know, I think deserve has something to do with winning. I mean, I feel that the team that scores the most points deserves to win. Meanwhile, others would prefer a subjective system under which only the players they like personally win, regardless of the score. Apparently they feel this better respects the…

Wait, so you don’t respect Klay Thompson as a person? Is it because his sneaker deal is with a Chinese company? I mean, that would be a terrible reason, but I literally cannot think of any other non-basketball-related notable Klay Thompson fact.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t read any of your comments. But 9 times out of 10 when you see someone comment on the Internet, they’re pitching their miracle cure for chronic bad breath which inevitably involves selling underage porcupines for sex. Just rolling with the odds on this one, but I hope you are sued within an…

A man bun is a tonsorial condition. Calling it a choice is classic victim blaming.

Yet more present emotionally.

From the responses, it sounds like these groups are what would happen if, say, Britney Spears and all of her backing vocalists and backup dancers were presented as a group act, rather than as Britney Spears. Which might explain why their personas are job duties rather than personality traits (e.g., these three members…

Seven people is too many people to be actual friends with in one’s actual life, let alone follow in a boy band.