I don’t know how I would have rewritten it, but I wouldn’t be as beholden to the requirements of the genre because I don’t care for lesser tragedies, myself. Although they’re better than greater tragedies (i.e., the collected films of Rob Schneider).

The problem isn’t that they don’t have a reliable quarterback. Brock is extremely reliable; you can set your watch by his sucking. (As long as I’m here, they also don’t need to be more consistent. Let’s retire “consistent” as a euphemism for “better.” The worst quarterbacks are models of consistency.)

“If you insist!” [nom nom nom nom barf] “You’re welcome!”

I would like to point out the wonderful piece of absolutely true yet somehow still deceptive advertising copy that is the identification of microwave popcorn as “whole grain.”

I assume that his endless captions are stealthy testing audiences for his upcoming TMZ project, Tyrades with Tyrese.

Zing!

I feel like you left out the most famous rabbit motivation.

See, it’s a joke about the difference between the American and British prunciation of “jaguar.” In America, we pronounce it “jag-war,” while in England, they pronounce it “1980s 49ers.”

I don’t know that any of this would flatter my body type. I’m putting nightmare body clay in there with rompers as a “no”; I’m lumpy enough as is.

Well, yes and no. If they had a duty to HER to make the disclosure, then they owe her for damages resulting from their breach of that duty. But it seems unlikely they had such a duty. As the Sandusky administrators case highlighted, the duty to report child sex offenders is a limited statutory duty imposed on…

I practice primarily fart law.

I am indeed secretly a lawyer in real life. Unfortunately, I’m a denizen of the grays, myself, since Jezebel has, I assume, the sensible policy of keeping lawyers from where people might have to deal with them.

How did you know?!

Oh, I absolutely agree: Subway is terrible (in a specifically terrible way that, as your list illustrates, is startlingly common among corporations). And I don’t have any problem with Subway suffering as severe a consequence as can be drummed up. I’m just noting that, from a purely legal standpoint, it’s not at all…

I know, it’s tough, right? Subway is clearly terrible, but it’s super hard to come up with a viable legal theory to sue them under.

This doesn’t seem entirely fair. One can think Jared is a scumbag and that Subway is monstrous and still believe that jurisdictional requirements apply.

It’s actually even easier than that. In even the quietest public bathroom, one can always cover up any embarrassing noises by groaning loudly. It is also recommended to add an additional level of distraction by pushing copies of one’s business card through the the crack in the door.

“Bathroom sushi” is 100% a euphemism for poop.

This show is a showcase of stupid and unappealing behaviors. I would also like to point out the unpleasantness that is the shirtless dude lying in a bunk bed absently stroking his chest in a room full of people at the 23-second mark. Come on, dude: don’t be weird.

Came here to second this nit-picking and add some bone-picking: what is a werewoman? A werewolf is a person who sometimes turns into a wolf. So a werewoman is a person who sometimes turns into a... nother person? If a dude is a werewoman does he turn into a woman during the full moon? And if a woman is a…