For just a moment I mixed up “Jon Lovett” and “Jon Lovitz” and was... surprised.

My understanding from this post is that the appropriate response to women whose nude pictures are stolen and widely disseminated to leering hordes of total strangers is to evaluate whether they look hot in those pictures, because if they look fuckable, then it’s no harm, no foul. Remember that older woman who has was…

Wait, so people in Harris County need to both get on their roofs (to save themselves from the catastrophic flooding) and stay sheltered and away from windows (to save themselves from the upcoming catastrophic tornado)? I wouldn’t be able to do either, let alone both, due to debilitating panic at this point.

I’m pretty sure accesskathryn’s question about whether there’s any academic research about the use of the definite article in band names actually IS, as she prefaced it, beside the point PopPunkSocialist’s correction of the band name in the article.

One of my friend’s coworkers didn’t want any children and her husband wanted a bunch of children. Their compromise was to have one child that she neglects. See? It just takes some creative problem-solving!

Whether it’s an assault or battery depends on the jurisdiction. For example, some states’ statutes style unwanted offensive physical contact “battery,” while others’ style it “assault.” Were you trying to say that the UK criminal statutes describe this as battery rather than assault?

No reason?! It’s for Fashion!

“I’m sorry, Dustin, but I think you’re here for the wrong reasons. Now BURN!!!!”

Well, sure, forcing it after dating for two months doesn’t mean you’ll get married and live happily ever after, but what about forcing it after dating non-exclusively for two months in a series of highly choreographed interactions? Isn’t that just how Grandma and Grandpa found each other before they came over from…

The Bachelorette needs to turn production of the next season over to Marvel.

She’ll just have to order tuxedos in three different sizes. The important thing is that there will be a man in one of them when the show ends; who isn’t important. Apparently.

I have no idea why, but when I read “walls down, vulnerable, open my heart, vulnerable,” I immediately thought “like an open sore,” which made me so happy and which I would not have thought without you, which means that you made me so happy. So thank you.

I forgive you this error on the assumption that you’ve never seen the Miss Marple series with Joan Hickson. Because those are the best. And not just because she reminds me of my mom for some reason.

And the truth is revealed: the Tiny House Movement is just astroturfing by Big Home Catheter.

How has “slithering mass of slime eels” not been one of this site’s presidential descriptions yet?

My understanding of “active shooter” is that it indicates that someone is currently shooting or still armed at the location where they were just shooting — i.e., that there is an active threat still present at the crime scene and that people should avoid that location.

I strongly disagree with drizzling sesame oil over your finish stir fry. If you want the flavor of sesame oil in your stir fry, add it to the stir fry (either as part of an initial marinade, if you’re doing meat, or at the end when you’re adding the sauce and getting increasingly panicked by the insane temperature…

“The Great British Bake Off team . . . have all the ingredients for a show-stopping series.”

That’s true, but they also don’t engage in the number of transactions that actors do. The Rock is worth a dollar-something to millions and millions of people per movie, and so makes millions and millions of dollars per movie. An anaesthesiologist doesn’t participate in millions of procedures a year and so for her to…

Well, yeah, of course the Warriors are thinking about Lebron as they celebrate the victory over Lebron. They’re thinking about how thoroughly they smashed his team and how there was nothing he could do about it.