Samsung also doesn’t want Android users to find love, programming its phones to violently explode while in genital-adjacent pockets.

I leave off my score on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist for the same reason.

What about “I enjoy having fun, but what I’m really looking for is a partner in my ongoing criminal enterprise”?

Oh my god, if he were blonde, Prince Eric would have Trump’s hairstyle exactly! This is very, very upsetting.

It’s hard to say how optimistic my IFs are, since these decisions hinge on the discretion of both the State’s Attorney filing the charges and the judge before whom those charges end up. Some State’s Attorneys are careful to charge only the “worst of the worst” as adults, while others try to shoehorn every juvenile…

On the other hand, a lot of these judges and prosecutors are elected. And there’s been an enormous popular movement in support of this girl. So, bottom line, there will be pressure to go lightly here. Also, some public officials actually aren’t solely creatures of dark political forces and actually try to exercise the…

It probably isn’t being contemplated. As far as I can tell, all that’s been said is that IF she is tried as an adult (which would require the State’s Attorney to move to have her tried as an adult and the court to actually grant that motion) and IF she is found guilty of aggravated murder (rather than a lesser offense…

My past experience as a straight man has not been filled with talk about grabbing women and kissing them without asking. But, then again, I don’t usually talk with sex offenders, so that could’ve been it.

Hot damn, she’s good. (I know this doesn’t really add much to the conversation, but still: hot damn.) I hope she considers politics on her own some dey, but I suspect she’s had all of that she can stand by now.

Yeah, I was being facetious. (But to answer your question anyway, Clinton (unlike Sarandan) hasn’t yet said that a Trump presidency is preferable to her own because the immense suffering he will inevitably cause will hasten the revolution. So I think she still has a few marbles rattling around up there.)

Thank goodness. Because this election stripped away what few scraps of sanity I still had fluttering around.

I actually feel more forgiving of her lunacy now that I’ve been reminded she’s in her seventies. Like with other crazed old coots, I’ll give her a pass on the ground that she has lost control of her faculties due to the ravages of age, which have left her body astonishly intact, but hollowed out her mind like a…

I mean repatriated to another state before useyourheadmcfly bombs Missouri. Although if you think she’d do more being bombed than turning and running away from useyourhedmcfly’s bombs, I guess I defer to your judgment.

She can be repatriated.

This has been a big weekend for Trump; he’s backed off his assurances that he’ll accept the election results if Clinton wins (threatening our streak of peaceful transitions of power), accused her of cheating on Bill, said she should be imprisoned, and had evidence of his business incompetence released.

This could not have come at a better time; I do indeed need “an image to keep [me] from becoming sexually aroused, eating, sleeping, or going outside.” Finally a cure for my exhibitionism/narcolepsy (secondary to election-stress-induced overeating)!

The Beast doesn’t look into Emma in this picture. Why isn’t the Beast into Emma? Are they adding a new love triangle?! Is the Beast secretly getting down with, say, LeFou?! Are all we Beast/LeFou ‘shippers finally getting the story we deserve?!

I sincerely do not wish to turn your world upside down, but careful examination of their initials reveals that they are, in fact, the same person. Ditto Mario Cuomo.

Such a spring chicken!

Toes, like leprechauns and very small unattended children, are things that live under bellies.