Yeah, I think its mainly on the East Coast where I’ve had people stare at me like they didn’t know what Dr. Pepper was.

I went to a Haagen Daz when I was about that age in D.C. I got served by Henry Rollins (who was Henry Garfield then).

[Grilled cheese] so I said “no bread, thanks.” She replied, without skipping a beat, “that would be a puddle of cheese, and we don’t do that.”

I bet I know what that wedding party got as gifts from the happy couple.

She may not have been bright, but I have to give the “fish that swim” lady from Annie Overton’s story a couple points for a)grasping that shellfish and fish are not the same thing and b)being polite to the waiter while she worked out her order. Those two things put her streets ahead of most BCO customers.

Sorry, I don’t like the colors of the sprinkles in that cake.

I absolutely want to use this. I don’t speak Finnish, so I’m just going to tell people it’s pronounced “Jukka-Pekka Saraste.”

i’ve said the first part before, because i had to fix the darned things when i worked at checkers and taco bell. yep, the calibration of syrup to carbonated water can be adjusted. but tastes like calibration? wow. sounds like she was parroting the first part and didn’t understand the difference between adjusting the…

MAJOR LIFE TIP: DON’T EAT YOUR LUNCH WITH YOUR BUTT.

INT: Fancy diner-themed restaurant, last night around 6:00PM EST.

“I was informed that it had been sent back because the drink was “too cold.” For those who may not be bar savvy, this would be the equivalent of sending a bowl of soup back to the kitchen for being too hot.”

1. The audacity to assume a person has the power to command a restaurant’s staff to move paying customers that were there before them.

I ordered pumpernickel.

It’s never ceased to amaze me how you can have a group of 20+ adults (or, hell, 8) and not one person thinks that maybe, just maybe someone should call ahead. You do not get to act SHOCKED when there isn’t any room for you anywhere. You do not get to be disappointed that you can’t sit together. You do not get to give…

I want that 2-pound lobster you show there, and I want that piece of filet mignon you have there

Hey, add Nutella to it and you’ve got a better treat than me. Just as long as you don’t have to punch any old men to get it...

she didn’t know how we could sleep at night after what we did

If you want a special wedding day that’s all about you, a bar is certainly the PERFECT place to go, considering it will surely be the site of your funeral.

Cara Sloane, I salute you for admitting your brain fart regarding breadless grilled cheese. OTOH, if it was mozzarella cheese you coulda had queso!

A little OT, but germane to “fish that swim” and “tales of stupid swimmers”: At the beach one afternoon, my dad once approached the lifeguard and asked him if the fin he saw in the water was a shark.