Fellow label follower! My husband drinks but I don’t and whenever we’re getting wine he INVARIABLY asks which one to get and I’m all the one with the cute hippopotamus! Then he gets mad because it tastes gross. DUDE, I WENT BY THE HIPPO. LEARN NOT TO ASK ME, PICK IT YOURSELF.

Haha, I’ll have to submit it.

Submission or it didn’t happen. Aka I call BS because there is no “one” with idiots and kale, it’s more like thousands.

I have. Because my sophisticated pallet often bases wine purchases on the labels and this little cutie looks just like my parents dog.

I have a special face I like to use, called my “Customer Service” face, a combination of “I am bored”, “I am too stupid to remember to breathe” and “I am stoned”, a semi-lifeless, glazed eyed, open mouthed stare. The stupid/angry combination expects you to be a mouth breathing moron, so I give them what they want.…

A couple of years ago, I went with a colleague to a Chinese restaurant that had just opened in town. I really fancied this guy and I wanted to impress him with some really good, authentic Chinese food. The restaurant didn’t disappoint me but he was left pretty pissed off. Not at the food, but at himself.

I’m so glad for this. The night of the fight (to all of you who called in on Saturday and it never occurred to you to reboot your crap while on the 85 minute wait time to reach tech support, I hate you) I had this little old man call in. I’m getting ready to say this spiel about the fight-yes, we know it’s going all…

Be easy on the guy, he’s obviously new to being gluten intolerant now that he’s met this girl. Just needs some advice to get the hang of it.

A “kay-ska-dill-lia” is what you call a quesadilla that’s fallen on the floor.

They’re like Pokemon. Your CARIBOU evolved into MOOSE! It learned STAND IN THE ROAD AND FUCK UP TRAFFIC!

Oh, I’m glad you asked. It’s really stupid. But kinda 10th grade funny.

I read the popcorn story out loud to my daughters, who loved it and insisted I read it out loud again when my husband got home. It is now legendary.

To garnish the martini. What do you think we are, Republicans?

Ok - It’s been a long time since I have been a restaurant server; but in the interest of fair chipolittle, I have to tell you there are some pretty awful idiotic servers out there as well.

*White* chocolate isn’t really chocolate. ;)

Is the place where they make the cheesecakes for The Cheesecake Factory called The Cheesecake Factory factory?

Thank God for this. I had a man today tell me in the SNOBBIEST voice “Well, you know what they say. A tech with one year of experience has half the experience of a tech with two years of experience”

And I kept olives in my locker in high school.

I assume because it adds a bit of a humorous setup to the “but we wanted the tour of the factory!” line. Turns it into a punchline, making it a nicer story than just “look how dumb these idiots were” :)

The international breakfast is a half-waffle