It's like white cheese whiz that's akin to lava

I also used to work at the big orange hardware store. So many stories, but the paint department yielded the best ones. Requests for edible paint and body paint when there were literally two sex shops within a 1/4 mile. . .there was the man who wanted to paint his room the "same color as my eyes" and actually tried…

I am not interested in seeing Cthulhu's baby pictures.

My family and I moved to St. Louis when my dad got a different job and the first night we moved in, we ordered Imo's pizza which is the go to place for "St. Louis style pizza." Imagine eating really sweet tomato sauce on a cracker with plastic glue cheese melted on top and you have St. Louis pizza. Our first…

I used to work for Orange China (I called it this because the televisions in our breakrooms played nothing but reminders that you worked for big orange). The return department was my home. Also, the amount of gross creepy pervert coworkers in neighboring departments was extraordinary.

I don't know the particular 15-week-old in question, but from my experience a 15-wk-old is going to sit there quietly unless they need a bottle or new diaper, especially if it's loud in the restaurant. I'd be much more concerned with the 15-month-old than the 15-week-old child.

Everyone slips up at work sometimes. And when it happens with people in the service industry, I tend to give them my sympathy because I know for a fact how hard those jobs are, how people treat them like shit, and how hard it can be to handle it when you are trying to do your job but lonely people treat you like a…

It was a memorable June in Woebegon when the Iron Sheik came to town. One of those rare late winters that were warm enough to melt the ice on Lake Average and make the Methodists feel naughty. I stopped into the one town restaurant on a Saturday to have a cup of joe and to check out this new-fangled thing I was…

I worked at the Gap when I was a freshman in college and during Black Friday I was at the store, finishing up the window displays and was like five minutes from being done and we opened at 6AM and these parents were shopping with their kid. They took her out of the stroller because she was being squirmy and wanted to…

Yesterday there were parents with toddlers that were literally letting their kids learn how to climb stairs. Like one pass up and down the flights would have been no problem but they did it for HOURS. They seriously thought that the servers carrying 60 lbs of drinks upstairs would be SO CHARMED by waiting on their…

I'm a fairly consistent order guy when I find a thing I like. So on my way in to a new job and find a Jack-in-the-Box down the street. I order a #17 with no egg and a soda (I like my caffeine cold) and head on in. I continue this daily for about 2 weeks (spare me the outrage, Jack rules) and one day I roll up, take my…

Oh god, I was at a restaurant for a friends birthday, when I accidentally took out a kid. I was just walking towards my table when I heard a scream, and realised I had just walked through a six year old, essentially punting him onto his face. I was mortified, I helped the kid up and apologised, and didn't think too…

I don't really understand kosher food. Like, I know I wouldn't be able to order bacon, but I didn't know about this meat/cheese thing. But if I go to a restaurant, you know what I do? I order something that's on the menu. If I ask to sub something and they can't, I say "oh? Well okay" and then I give them legal tender…

Unless it's Snake Juice, then all bets are off.

Is there anyway we could do a retail version of this one day? Cause I have way more heroin addict stories than I should.

I'm so glad the baby punting story ended with the parents apologizing.

Lol thank you. Especially ones who skip over me saying that both people left because they found jobs where they could use their law degrees/get a full 40 hours per week. Guess I didn't frame ot that way in the initial post, but damn. Haters gonna ex-press themselves.

This reminds me, in the inverse, of a dining experience I had in a nice restaurant after my brother's college graduation. We're ordering appetizers and I believe I see something called the "salmon plate." (This is a lunchtime meal.) I loves me some salmon, maybe it's smoked? Is it lox? Whatevs. "I'll have the salmon…

I want every single one of those dishes in the mouth part of my face immediately.