You know I don't remember the last time I was in a place with filter brew? It's either espresso or fucking instant. Sometimes I just want a mug of black coffee. Is that too much to ask for?

Monogrammed Thermosery

I am wearing DIOR, so there!

TRUTH. Guilt your server with kindness. They may even comp something for you or give you a discount because "Oh my God, did I just fuck over that really sweet person's night?"

...wouldn't be tipping for the meal and apologized nicely to the server for that.

I work retail. People are soo shitty that if you're nice I automatically give you a discount or tell you how to lower your bill. Being nice pays.

Whoa, whoa. Not tipping ME? I'm not tipping YOU.

Not that I'm gonna believe that you happen to be that actual customer without a huge fucking grain of salt and a lot of side-eye, but if you were (and are colossally lame enough to not only admit it, but revel in it) the fact that you think that "a rsvp" is the same thing as a reservation makes you the "retarded" one…

You had an RSVP? Like they invited you to lunch and you confirmed via mail or email? That's weird. Do restaurants usually send you invites? If so, they should stop.

I love your use of the word retarded. It shows what a big boy you are!

As someone who spent many years in the restaurant industry, I can tell you that on-duty managers frequently leave during slow times. They bank, they pick up supplies, they go to the dentist. The fact you characterize this as a "lie" says far more about you than anyone else. As does most of your story.

Just from a practical standpoint it makes more sense to be polite. I'm screamingly polite when I talk to people on the phone or in a store, and I've almost never had any problems. Quite the opposite - people try to help me out. It's not rocket science.

I'm so glad you came here to elaborate and clarify your side of the story, because now that you've done so we can all rest easy knowing that you're a shitty crybaby asshole instead of just speculating that you are. Thanks for the peace of mind.

You know what doesn't show character? Or class, for that matter? Calling someone "retarded". Throwing hissy fits. Also, your post here. Ain't no one going to listen to anything coming out of your mouth now. Cheers!

Sooooooooooo... they ate their whole meal, probably ran poor Miranda ragged (because they are dicks) and then, after being provided a service, refused to pay her for it? After getting $50 off of their meal from a Groupon? Holy shitsnacks, I want to punch something right now, but I'm in the office and that's…

FOR THE MOUTH PART OF YOUR FACE.

i prefer schadenboner

Two years ago, I made a pilgrimage to the shrine of St. Basil Fuckoff outside of Milan. It was a profound and moving experience. It is also one of the few Catholic shrines that still permits tipping.

Really? I do have external genitalia and I kinda want to give birth her children. But I'm probably not tough enough for her.

"She tourniquets her arm at the elbow with an ice pick and towel, washes the blood off, puts the offending knife onto the gas fire, heats it to a nice brick red and...wait for it...cauterize her own arm."