There is a long history of comparing black people to monkeys that stretching back to the slave trade. There is a particularly ugly part that happened during the beginning of the last century where we'd display black children with dwarfism alongside monkeys in zoo exhibits as the "missing link".

Did everyone see this dress? Because everyone should see this dress.

Even Amy's Cats are Concerned:

Well done. I love that they make it sound like she's marrying beneath her. That is awesome and funny.

You know who could have handled this?

This is the internet. We're not fucking sorry ever.

space jam is a documentary so everything you learned was on point.

Correct me if I'm wrong because all of my Michael Jordan knowledge comes from Space Jam but I feel that he is an infinitely classier man than Hulk Hogan anyway.

We've been working on letters for a while - at first I guided his hand, but now more often than not I just tell him how to spell it.

So the three year old that lives in my house and I have this board we fill out every day. It has his name, age, the date, day of week, and weather. I help him fill it out some, lately just by spelling out the words. Usually the weather is hot, rainy, whatever. Sometimes ...

You poked my hawt, Mawk Shwayba. You poked my hawt.

...the surprise wasn't backstage. Where was it? Well, you've got to watch the video for that.

BUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE TWO GIRLS WHO LEFT HIS Q&A???

"I have always held a suspicion that Ellen Degeneres is actually kind of evil." You know you might have something here Mark. There is a resemblance.

"NO, you're pretty, and you're not real. I'M REAL."

What the heck! I actually teared up a little when he said, "You poked my heart." When did I become such a softie? Yeesh. Being a dad sure makes the emotions come to the surface a lot more. Also, I'm weird.

My face RN:

Sorry, already taken. Man, Google image search did not disappoint.

also 'vulvatron' is so much better than 'adultosaur' and i'm so jealous i could scream.