Microsoft: Red-handed? Uh, we bought those red hands on eBay. Yeah....

Too big to lose in the couch. Hell, a couple inches longer, it could double as a seat. Like.

Fine. Only my mechanical typewriter really understands me anyway. Sure she's high maintenance, but she can keep a secret, which is more than I can say for your friends on the "cloud". HTTPS this.

And this is way termites are a Threat to our Democracy!

@FloppyRocks: Aurophyll? It's all Greek to me.

And the whole thing smells vaguely of sour milk.

SULU, YOU'RE FIRED!

It should come with a warning label regarding police detecting UV from outside your house, and how this somehow doesn't constitute illegal search or a violation of your privacy.

You had me as "using lasers and diamonds" :-)

@GeckoUK: Not all implementations of Tetris do this. I've played a lot of ... ok, I f—-ing majored in Tetris in college. (No, it doesn't pay well, stay in school kids!) and there is no "queue of one each" in most of them.

"This Door Is Supposed To Save Lives During Earthquakes"

@xd.Balls: Fair enough. I should have said "Politicizing the FDA." No one should expect a consumer protection agency to function when the higher-ups are appointed, not required to know anything about consumer protection, and often come from the same industries that need the watchdogging in the first place. Fox…

WiFi signals can't go up? What's this now?

I agree with the other skeptics: Make it from cardboard, make it hold four cups, and let me lock the handles together so that I can put it down in the car.

All of which confirms why I should drop-kick my Samsung Instinct. None of the "built-in Android tools" are present, on top of the inability to download/install apps. I can't even upgrade the demo versions of the games that came pre-installed. The only improvement over my old Motorola Q is the Opera browser and the…

Excuse me, did you say "knives"?

@Rontourage: like, a Russian soldier pointing a rifle at the camera?

*I'm* not parking under that, not even an F-150.

@Ben Zvan: I meant a big, honking iron bell. And seagulls! :-)

It's called "Underfunding the FDA" Coming soon to a tea party near you.