The worst poop of my life occurred while I was on active duty, training at Camp Geiger, NC. We had been eating nothing but MREs for 2 weeks, which are notorious bowel blockers. At the time this poop happened, I hadn't released a kraken for a few days and was starting to get concerned.

We were doing some physical…

I was once a DJ. On my way to working an event in Westchester, I got really sick while driving. I have a really bad stomach and of course I was drinking a huge coffee and smoking, which made things worse. My assistant was sitting in the passenger side, watching me turn white, sweating and almost crying. If I could…

You should always link the story so others can share in your horror.

*disgusting Internet twins!* /high fives/

Once I was pretty high and decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich, and forgot to take the wax paper out from between the two slices of cheese that I used. I realized it about a third of the way in but didn't want my sandwich to go to waste so ate the rest of it. The texture kind of works in a grilled cheese, at…

I hope this includes an ACTUAL account of what happened when she and Almanzo went "driving by the lake" while he was courting her.

Adults-only means a detailed description of Almanzo's seduction techniques, right? Because I would definitely read that. (Insert swoonworthy pic of him here)

This seems like an appropriate time to break out a nice video from The IT Crowd:

http://youtu.be/OgWhT9rDO2g

I'm of the mindset that PMS removes the bullshit-tolerance all women have, and puts us on dude-level for a few days. Guys rarely put up with shit, and they don't have to justify it with a hormonal imbalance. I like my PMS for that reason - I don't have to pretend to give a shit when I'm just not feeling it. It's…

I believe this couple here was the first couple:

You can buy those by the dozen (for a pretty cheap cost (maybe $12 a dozen or something similar) from Oriental Trading. My daughter gets a kick out of those old school time wasters and hands them out to her friends, too. :)

No idea what they were called officially, but I'm pretty sure they helped a whole generation of kids practice handjobs.

3. Fanny farts.

Or as they pronounce it, "hummus."

This video is really good if you imagine that it's a grown man and woman with perfectly and painstakingly superimposed gigantic child heads.

IN THE LIGHTENING! IN THE LIGHTENING! Gonads in the rain.