It’s called the free market—something you socialist scuzzlords wouldn’t understand! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch thousands of children die from pre-existing conditions while shielding my tumescent, three-inch, free-market erection, baby! 

“When someone runs sub-2 hours, let’s not remember the man but the brand as the record breaker.” - Darren Rovell

Jellyfishing

As a fake internet attorney, let me preemptively address the knotty legal arguments from those who would ask “What about his right to free speech?”: Shut the fuck up you fucking idiot

He still carries on every play.

Better calls:

Wow, that’s an amazingly slow pace. Did your heart rate even go up?

This article is dumb, but your take is even dumber. There is no world in which gizmodo would be liable for this.

Remember when we could just enjoy nerdy shit without having to get all political? Yeah, I don’t either. But still, it’s a nice thought.

The idea that this was a meaningless Clasico is the dumbest take ever.

Here’s a pretty good gallery from Saturday. Of particular note: Al, Peg and that couch.

Perhaps it’s 3-1 lead poisoning.

There’s no doubt that the Thunder are very limited offensively outside of Westbrook and his fellow defensive liability Canter. The question is how much of that is on Westbrook for not giving his teammates a chance to develop and get into a groove through the course of the season.

Gundy’s version accords nicely with the Oklahoma state history curriculum.

The fact that there are people out there who look at the unimaginable suffering of the people of North Korean and think “I can’t wait til I can bring them Jesus!” makes me nauseous. Like, they are going to escape a system where one man is treated as a god, who promises them everything they need and desire if only they…

You missed my insightful comment, I will repost so that more can enjoy:

Why doesn’t the NBA mind the player-for-a-day thing when it comes to Derrick Rose?

If he believed he was healed, he needed to show it.

Why on earth would I care about a third-rate Italian that just happened to be born in New Jersey?