I want to get inside Ellie from Brooklyn’s head. She’s got some hot existential takes - “the basis of our lives is our beliefs” and “People don’t live their lives on an ideological wavelength” - and decides, on September 12th, to call into Mike and the Mad Dog to share them.

It was probably on this basis that Trump nominated Mad Dog as Secretary of Defense.

It does not protect his estate from any civil action, it simply prevents anything from the criminal trial from being used in the civil action. Huge difference, that.

His lawyer is even trying to get him off on this one too!

As a long-suffering M’s fan, I look forward every spring to another 84-78 season to be filled with disappointment and the odd All-Star performance. Seeing Paxton ring up a 14-11 record with a 2.38 ERA is going to be an absolute delight!

Cop impersonates an ice agent. And the immigrant fucks him up?

We are in the Upside Down.

Jalapeño is #1. NO ONE DENIES THIS.

Every ONE of these flavors is an also ran to the great and unbeatable Jalapeno. Honey Dijon?! PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTT! GTFOH.

Drugs can be a difficult habit to kick so we understand why he hasn’t sought your advice.

Canthurtazone

The dear, departed Irish Setter was like a wideout. Sleek, fast, cuts that could break your ankle, and he could stop on a dime. He did everything at full speed.

What we need is an Iron Eagle.

EXCUSE ME, I SUFFER FROM VOICE IMMODULATION. IM UNABLE TO CONTROL THE PITCH OR VOLUME OF MY VOICE. ALSO KNOWN AS VAN HORTONS SYNDROM. VH IS A RECOGNIZED PSYCHO-MEDICAL CONDITION WHICH YOU MAY HAVE READ ABOUT IN NEWSWEEK OR CRACKED MAGAZINE. NUMEROUS PROMINENT AMERICANS SUFFER FROM THIS DEBILITATING DISEASE,…

Also his appearances on clueless gamer with Conan O’Brien, where he keeps getting invited back whenever they have NFL guys on. I would seriously watch a series that’s just “Marshawn and Gronk do things”.

“I Can’t Vibe 55”

but he smiled when he played baseball

Here we go with another round of jetty-shaming. Can’t you just let her be “Jetty for the Block”?

poop brown is the most popular color choice for this application. A half-hearted attempt to stencil on some old-school duck camo would be a nice touch, but perhaps a bit fancy.

I strongly support your interest in living in the country and becoming some sort of bumpkin/redneck food wizard. BUT, and this is an important but, you’re going to need to invest in some redneck tools of the trade. One of these should be a busted-ass POS pickup, that smells more like dog/fish/deer than anything…

It has stopped snowing where you live? I and my army of slave children just finished shovel/snowblower job number 2 and we’ve got hours more snow to go. It’s just a fighting retreat right now.