You and every other suicidal person in San Diego. There are big signs all along the bridge saying “don’t do it” with the unwritten parenthetical “it’ll fuck up traffic and be majorly uncool bro”

why does bob dole need 140 thousand dollars hes gonna be dead before he can spend it what the fuck bob

Congrats on your big dick

Curt Schilling refused to pay a business debt to my dad that would’ve been the equivalent of like half an innings worth of a game check for him. Foreshadowing!

I feel like short shrift is being given to sitting in a dark room and honking one’s pud all day.

paul newman is dead tho. i could kick his ass.

you mean they’re not still friends?

I once asked a girl for a Dutch Reach. She slapped me so hard I saw double! Anyway, folks

is a jones fracture when your drummer dies and then the lead singer and guitarist never work with you again (the aforementioned fracture) and basically spend the next 30 years shit talking you even though you were more or less clearly the most talented musician in the group? tough break for simmons if that’s the case

It’d be a lot cooler if he did

who’s gonna make all the arizona iced tea now?

She doesn’t know who to vote for because she’s extremely fucking dumb. There. There’s your answer.

What’s the best food you’ve ever ruined for yourself by eating it too often?

Can I have some money?

Hell yeah +1

Can I have some money?

Hmmm. Ok yes this is a good point.

no one who calls the fear of death “irrational” has ever driven on a california freeway.

Will the beautiful and charming Rom Romberts have a place at another Gawker site?

What is sports? *Who* are sports? Really, when is sports? Thank you.