Women owe me sex! But those sluts better not get pregnant! If they do, they cannot have an abortion and I don't want to pay for the baby! And keep paying for my Viagra!

Do you think insurance companies and the government are the same entity?
Bless your sad little heart.

No, allow me to pay for my own birth control out of insurance which is part of my compensation.

I've never liked Jonah Hill. I probably never will. He looks like a real life version of Batman's Penguin and I know it isn't his fault but it's creepy.

When I haunt you I promise I'll only do it on Friendster.

I'm sorry. I also wish I could post weird sex things and cute animals all day, but breaking news is breaking news.

Thanks for basically ruining my weekend with this story. Leaving now to take my kids for as much ice cream as they can eat until they barf. Big hugs for them. They are the light of my life.

WHY YOU OPEN THE CURTAINS THEY CAN SEE YOU NOW

...

Does it ever occur to these asshole fathers that the only reason they are afraid of their daughters dating is because they treated women so fucking horribly until they met the one they decided to marry/procreate with? Why doesn't anyone ever discuss the desire to teach their sons how to treat women like human fucking…

I have to catch up with #TheBachelorette today! What's been happening!?? Describe the season/ or episode in 3 words or less.

I like the way you think.

Get hers with extra donkey sauce.

Heh, at first glance I thought the pretzel stuck in the upper side of the monstrosity was a cigarette butt, and I thought "man, they are NOT messing around!"

Here. I think you could use this.

The mad pooper!

Honestly, I'm not trying to wreck your Wednsesday morning fun...but you gotta stop. She's hopeless. Her Bible obvs replaced her brain ages ago, when her husband and the pastor mercifully took it out.

Cohabitation

"WHAT? Is he an Internet billionaire now?"

Well, at least she's upfront about why her life sucks as opposed to those irritating people who simply post: ":"( or "I am over it!!11!!". And then proceed to not say and/or answer one of the five million "OMG ARE YOU OK??" "Whats up girl, what happened??" that people comment below it.