I've never liked Jonah Hill. I probably never will. He looks like a real life version of Batman's Penguin and I know it isn't his fault but it's creepy.

When I haunt you I promise I'll only do it on Friendster.

I'm sorry. I also wish I could post weird sex things and cute animals all day, but breaking news is breaking news.

Thanks for basically ruining my weekend with this story. Leaving now to take my kids for as much ice cream as they can eat until they barf. Big hugs for them. They are the light of my life.

WHY YOU OPEN THE CURTAINS THEY CAN SEE YOU NOW

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Does it ever occur to these asshole fathers that the only reason they are afraid of their daughters dating is because they treated women so fucking horribly until they met the one they decided to marry/procreate with? Why doesn't anyone ever discuss the desire to teach their sons how to treat women like human fucking…

I have to catch up with #TheBachelorette today! What's been happening!?? Describe the season/ or episode in 3 words or less.

I like the way you think.

Get hers with extra donkey sauce.

Heh, at first glance I thought the pretzel stuck in the upper side of the monstrosity was a cigarette butt, and I thought "man, they are NOT messing around!"

Here. I think you could use this.

The mad pooper!

Honestly, I'm not trying to wreck your Wednsesday morning fun...but you gotta stop. She's hopeless. Her Bible obvs replaced her brain ages ago, when her husband and the pastor mercifully took it out.

Cohabitation

"WHAT? Is he an Internet billionaire now?"

whatever.

I think you should have a serious conversation with your man as soon as mommy dearest leaves, as it is completely unacceptable for you to be treated that way. He needs to defend you and not stand by and let you be treated like that, and if he isn't willing to do that i would really recommend seriously thinking about…

This guy is sexually harassing you, and sounds like bad news in general. Shut down all the flirting, be business-only with him, if he makes ONE inappropriate move, tell him to stop it and report it to your boss.

Ugh, honestly my advice would be to get out because everyone I've ever known who lied like that was unchangeable. It's a serious character flaw and to me makes it really hard to trust someone. I feel like if someone is willing to lie about stupid stuff that doesn't even benefit them in any meaningful way, they won't…