GAH, just had a flashback to when the butterfly top was the club-going top du jour.

Genuine LOL at this theory. I was just watching this video and thinking about all of the regrettable choices: the hair and makeup! The dune buggy! The variety of terrible pants! Eventually my secondhand embarassment took over and I had to stop watching.

I don't get the squeeing either, but I've seen some fug babies in my day. she doesn't rank high on my scale.

newborns are totally ugly. It's why I snicker to myself when soon-to-be-parents declare they need to MEET their baby to figure out their name. If anyone were honest, all babies would be named Krang, after the brain villain from Ninja Turtles. My daughter was a hideous newborn, but is adorable now. Although I will say…

My daughter has my husband's eyebrows and I am already sad for her. They take up half his forehead.

Ehhhhhh some babies are ugly. North is not though.

I love her. A clammy-ass spring morning here in NY and she's wearing...a long black evening gown. Because of course she is.

I'm concerned that adorable Emily Blunt (and, indirectly, her even more adorable husband) has anything to do with bonkers-ass Tom Cruise. If I find out they're scientologists that would be a serious bummer.

Absolutely! And their kids clothing: FORGET IT. I have abandoned any urge to buy stuff from J. Crew, cute as a lot of it may be. I'll buy my daughter stuff from the outlet if they're having a big sale, but I don't expect any of it to last even one season.

As a 33 year old, married mother of two who's going prematurely gray and has no time to even slap on mascara. I'm jealous. I'm starting to worry that when older men in delis and food stores call me, "young lady," it's sarcasm.

When I was a child, my mother discouraged us from eating any of the pudding she bought herself by telling us that tapioca contained "fish eyes" and rice pudding contained "throw up bits."

That's rich talk coming from you, reaper!

Okay. She can literally never die. Ever.

.

HAHAHAHAHA! This gives my theory 200% more credence!

Is....is that a person who runs a small business of pants???

YAAAAAAS!!! That phrase totally stuck out to me too!

Uggghhhhhh the ice cream truck in our neighborhood circles AT LEAST 6 times a day, every day, playing that song. When I was a kid, the ice cream truck passed only once! I hear that shit when it's dark outside, when the weather is in the 50s, or on a loop because the driver didn't go far enough before doubling back.…

God, I'm glad I'm not in a business where someone needs to make sure my knees are properly highlighted and contoured.

Are all of the Kardashian/Jenners just striving to end up with Kim's face? Is that the end game here? Because whoever-that-is above sure has mastered the strong brow/lips-that-can't-close look. With fake eyelashes so big that any Drag Racer would look at them and wrinkle her nose all, "Girl, no."