he needs to shut up.

Honor is the name of my sister’s horse. Haven is the name that a woman I know was forced to change her name to by her abusive husband.

I’ve only ever tried one of her hand soaps at a friend’s place so I can’t speak to the lawsuit but the names Honor and Haven are obnoxious and so fucking precious.

I quite like the idea of a divorcing set of parents continuing counseling to work out a co-parenting plan. If that is what they are doing, good for them and their children.

I don’t see a smile. I see a “The fuck is wrong with you, dude?” look.

That’s a smile? And he looks like he’s smiling at his phone, maybe at a text from a nanny?

My BFF at a small company where it was realized one of the women was in a domestic violence situation when her BF became unstable and would wait outside for her at work, etc.

On a second date about ten years ago, I said to the guy sitting across from me, “So, I like you, you’re totally awesome. But I’m not looking just for a fun time, I’m looking for a long term relationship. I mean, I’m dating other people and I’m not saying we have to be serious, but generally speaking I’m ready to…

Law of averages - given an infinite number of chimps typing an infinite amount of YouTube comments, one of them will eventually be (a) non-racist, (b) funny…

THANK YOU, DOOR!

-Sent from my vulva

This is America. And in America, you have to open doors in order to walk through them. Okay?! Get it right the first time!

Never apologize for a Lucille Bluth gif.

“...and THAT’S why you should never be a racist, xenophobic, classist asshole.”

It came out too dark! Breakfast is RUINED!

It’s like the universe is creating incidents just for us, only way it could have been better is if she declared that her children were allergic to green.

This is probably not my worst one, but it’s the first one that comes to mind.

On my daughter’s first day of kindergarten, she clotheslined a 1st grade boy who had earlier called her a “booger eater” and made fun of her Dora backpack as he walked down the school bus aisle. They’re both in high school and dating now.

A little late to the party, but here goes.