Right?

Natasha Lyonne and I share a similar fitness routine.

I learned learned the hard way not to trust internet medicine,

Bronies.

I KNOW RIGHT?

I would still rather have meth than dental floss.

I have always liked gay people.

I have watched this show since it went on, I already have that novel written. Too bad the Kardashians would never let it see the light of day.

I think we have every boy band to thank for that. Also frosted tips.

Then perform an occult ritual to make my mailman deliver the mail at a less unreasonable hour. I will get the goat for you.

I guess I will not be fitting into my pants come New Year's.

Who gave birth to a basketball and why is a religion not being founded around its miraculous delivery?

That would fit him, but also I think give kinda a big head. I have been calling him Smash, because he is kind of dirty and weird and looks like he got hit by a car.

Cats I think believe that humans are in every way dumber than them. So when I tell this cat (I do not even know his name he is just this wandering drifter) that he can't do something he takes off for a couple days to like punish me.

Consider yourself followed to the bottom of the deep blue sea.

No one understands me like you RegularParrot. You are just a Lochness monster necklace away from owning my heart.

He is the one who told me it would be a bad idea to sign up for Christian Mingles, I was like "but I AM Catholic!" and he was all "let's not kid yourself".

OH GOD THE CUTENESS

Nothing says love like sea monsters . . . .
EXACTLY!

I hope Apple Martin grows up into a secondhand clothes shopper who only eats foods with high fructose corn syrup and wipes her ass with kale. Then she and I can hang out in my garage.