This reminds me of the scene at the end of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, where everything in Wonka’s office is halved.

I find it a funny word too, but only because of the Angie Jordan ‘ham” meme I see get posted in here from time to time. Ham, lol.

I’m going to be in Tampa for a concert on September 5th. I’ll bring the parentheses and the binoculars and get my stalk on. Just make sure you leave a bottle of water and some crackers in your bushes; I have a feeling that stalking is bad for one’s hydration and sustenance.

Found this unfortunate picture, where she looks beautiful but also looks like she’s getting her butt inflated.

They are kind of assholes.

Florida here too! (Tampa is only an hour away, BeeAtch!) (That is not a threat, not even a little, but when I read it back sounds sort of ominous? I didn’t mean it that way!) (I swear, and reading the reassurance makes it sound like I’m trying to smooth over a creepy exchange, like, “There’s nothing to see here!” when…

(.)

Brown eyes=Diversity, dontcha know.

Whyyyyyyy do people with such unruly eyebrows not trim them up and tame them? I know you have eyes... because of those giant, bushy-ass brows right above them. Do you WANT to look like Sam the Eagle? No? Takes literally under a minute to fix that.

He was definitely swindled. Something is wrong when you get less Doritos on the side of your sandwich than you get in a #11 Taco Bell combo.

They skimped on your Doritos. I feel like Sophia would have called that nonsense out.

Because when you need your craniorectalectomy, we’ll help you pay for it.

My kids hate him, too. They create him as their video game characters, then make themselves starve or fall off a cliff or get eaten by a dinosaur or whatever else they can do on Minecraft and/or Ark.

(Got annoyed with her whole rank story and couldn’t muster much more than the prior comment in that moment.)

(Got annoyed with her whole rank story and couldn’t muster much more than the prior comment in that moment.)

<3

So fucking fucked the fuck up. Fuck.

People always say southerners are so nice, but I’ve never thought southerners were especially nice compared to anyone from anywhere else. But Hawaii has the most generous, genuinely welcoming and loving people I’ve ever met.

:) Thanks! I started reading it in depth today. It’s a pretty shitty plan. And by ‘pretty shitty’ I mean very. Very, very, very shitty.

Fatty liver is an asshole in that so often the people with it feel perfectly fine until they don’t, often after it reaches the point of cirrhosis. I would hate anyone to suffer and die from that, but it’s really sucky when it develops in someone who is taking really good care of themselves. So unfair. I’m sorry for…