Don’t use bacon grease, or any sort of non-vegetable based cooking grease, if you live in bear country. They may be hibernating right now, but when they wake up your car will still smell of meat grease to them even if you can’t smell it. You don’t to be the person that has to call in to work and say you’ll be late…

window blankets are good too

“Do you know how hard it is to find a windshield for a Neon?”

Democrats need to embrace the class war thing. “Yeah, this is class warfare. Who’s side are you on?”

Sure, Nate. When you die of stress induced heart attack/cancer/whatever at the age of 60 (alone, because you’ve managed to alienate your entire family), my slacker-vacation-taking-ass will live until around 90, and likely retiring at 70. That’s an extra 33.33333333% of life, including 22.222222% of sweet, sweet…

Nick....Usain Bolt won his gold medals running 1.2% faster. You just can’t argue with it

I love the arbitrary percentage stat. Dude is calculating his Microscrooges past the decimal point

I never knew people even used those things. I just assumed they were props for showing real estate.

Nah, Pence is just back there using 99.9% of his brainpower trying to convince himself that he’s straight.

Pence’s head: “I’m going to up the dose of his daily poison another ounce. This is taking too long.”

This is some combo of poorly fitted dental appliance, dry mouth, speech impediment (beyond being a native son of Queens), senility, and drug use.

Fucking swallow, Donald. It isn’t gay to swallow your spit no matter what Pence says to you.

At least wet farts inspire me to get up and go to the bathroom.

Congratulations on your imminent film option

Oh christ, are you kidding me. Do you see the way that asshole likes his steaks cooked? His coke is probably cut with crushed up Necco Wafers

“Looks normal to me.”

I think JD Power could do a better job explaining why GM beats, for example, Mercedes, BMW, Audi in terms of ‘initial quality’. I’m assuming it’s weighted to people’s expectations + money spent, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense from the outside looking in.

Show us where GM hurt you.

Jesus go cry in your shitty Buick or whatever.

I have the “Screaming Goat” as my alarm