If I go to bed 30 minutes early, that’s 30 more minutes that I stare at the ceiling before I fall asleep.

I’m a night person. One morning, I rolled into work and a colleague told me, “You look sleepy.” I replied, “Wrong dwarf, I’m grumpy.”

I have the “Screaming Goat” as my alarm

I sure wish the only thing I had to worry about was if my kid likes pink stuff. I am shocked parents need a guide on how to deal with something so irrelevant to life itself. Maybe I am just too easy going, but I worry about health, bills, school and work each day. I don’t have time for... pink.

This might be a little annoying to get used to, but it’s probably for the best. Holding your smartphone too close to your face can cause eye strain and even headaches, according to one study. So in this case, maybe Apple does know best.

There’s far too many gender issues in this story than one could unpack in ten lifetimes.

Apples Design philosophy is fucking awesome. Make a beautiful looking phone with manufacturing tolerances that defy belief but then force buyers to hide all that in a case becuae they couldn’t make the thing to survive even casual day to day use.

I had a shitty job for 3 months right out of college at a Sports Authority back in ‘96. I remember the episode when George work at PlayNow. He told Jerry that if he walked around with a notepad in his hands and acted like he was writing something down, no one would bother him. I used this on many occasions when I did…

Boy, it’s almost like they designed it to sell their own cases.

Oh hey look everyone. This guy’s here.

I still think the camera protruding from the phone is one of the ugliest things apple has done to the iphone. The phone doesnt even lay flat anymore! Just make the phone a few mm thicker and throw in a better battery to make up for the extra space!

Whenever you sneeze I will reply with “Really, it’s come to this?”

It creates a truly authentic NFL experience when the fans can get CTE as well.

All these wannabe “good guys with guns” are also “Blue Lives Matter” people. You know what actually helps “blue lives”? DOING AS THEY FUCKING SAY AND DON’T GO PLAY VIGILANTE.

Wiki:

What is Mel, I’m a fucking Catholic, Gibson hanging out in a stem cell clinic. I thought they were all dead set against this!

Alternate headline:

Haha, joke’s on you, my mom’s 58 and still gets her period. *quiet sobbing for my genetic future*

I’m actually less worried about guns than bats, pepper spray, etc. People who protest with guns seem to understand the consequences of their actions. People who protest with bats/sticks/bike locks seem to think this is a Stanley Kubrick film.

My wife of 26 years came with a two-fer. We met after a friend asked me if I would ever “date someone with kids”. I was in my late 20's and said, “sure, why not”?