This is a damn hipster problem. Wear those tight ass pants and kill your phone. Come over to the magical world of cargo shorts. I have room for my phone, a fax machine, a side of beef, a wallet, and interestingly enough, spare cargo shorts.

Which is just shorthand for “you don’t have a right to privacy.”

Wow, those images are horrifying. Those poor, poor babies and their families. Even if they survive they will need around the clock care. No one should be forced to carry a pregnancy like that to term. Fuck Florida politicians.

I can’t imagine how scary it must be to be pregnant in Florida right now.

The last thing he retweeted was this and two Today Show promos about him. He’s going to milk this for all he can, and the fameball will burn brighter than a Rio trash fire.

White men getting offended over other people getting offended is the most pussy shit of all. Just fucking get over it.

Old Man Yells at Chair

Obvious comment is obvious.

Snapchat and WhatsApp are for younger pukes. I tried both and deleted immediately, I’m 47.....almost dead.

MySpace isn’t going anywhere...every single person under 25 uses it everyday.

My humble suggestion is that celebrities should wear fashion designers on the Red Carpet.

Anyone that brags about the number of guns they have should not be allowed to own guns.

In their final moments on earth, these poor girls were fully aware that their own mother was going to blow them away just to spite their father. On his birthday.

Meh. Saying something ugly and regrettable in the heat of the moment kind of pales in comparison to murdering your children.

Exactly. She apparently posted about how tragic it would be if legislation robbed her of the ability to protect her family. I see that tragedy and raise you this.

Yes, we can apply it to a lot of things. “Everyone is a responsible banana eater until suddenly they aren’t.”

Seriously. If you haven’t learned to keep pumped reserves on hand before doing douchey drugs with the first kid, the second one is going to be completely fucked. Smarten up.