Hey Drew—how much for the little girl?

Jaime killed the Mad King just for threatening to burn down the city. What will he do when Cersei actually lights the fire?

I can tell you where the Best Restaurant in New York is...

I’m confused and angry just looking at it.

Nomnom Pomsky 2016!

UV weakness, but ninja strength—a stealthy advance into the water. I like it—the wet will never know you’re coming!

Oh god, I remember muffin-boobs. Good times!

I’ll be wearing “wettable and covers it all the fuck up.” Because I’m an old.

Where’s being hit by a car?

our staff decided to experiment with a bunch of snacks you might bring camping

Unstarred just so I could star again. You get ALL the hens!

I love you, Bobby. All the news I need to know. Never change.

Ken Starr [via Joe Schad]: “females were safe enough on the Baylor campus”

Drew, your wife doesn’t care about your butt hairs, but she is wondering why she went through 9 months of pregnancy and a [probable] total of days in labor with three kids when you could just shit one out in an afternoon.

MARC JACOBS!

Cherish is the word I use to describe/ All the misogynistic bullshit that I barely try to hide

Plus, if you cut off their fingers, how will they learn to drive?

Me. With my vagina.

As a ladyperson, I get extremely pissy about the plethora of listsicles enumerating the things I have to purchase in order to properly maintain my ladybits. My advice to the adequate man would be: BURN THIS SHIT LIST IN FIRE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

Shit! I should have known that JujyMonkey or Randilyn would have already made this joke. I’ll skulk back to the grays where the slow belong....