Also, she keeps complaining about all my makeup's "chemicals" and the pedantic part of me wants to shake her. Everything is made of chemicals, good or bad. That's just fucking science.

I can't say I'm even remotely surprised. One of my coworkers is currently hawking that Arbonne nonsense, and she keeps mom-scolding me for not using "all-natural" makeup. Normally, I wouldn't give a shit (a lot of my expensive-ish products are Too Faced or Urban Decay or BareMinerals, which are often vegan or…

Plus, she has already won the next eight years worth of Oscars for playing them.

Helena Bonham Carter plays the paintings. All of them. She's that good.

YOU'VE NAILED IT. I fully support your efforts as a Tim Burton Truther.

Are we really sure that neither Helena Bonham Carter nor Johnny Depp are in this? That could be Helena Bonham Carter playing Johnny Depp playing Amy Adams playing Margaret Keane.

Martin Lawrence. It's so obvious, yet beautiful!

I'm more inclined to believe Jennifer just loves the fuck out of The Twits.

I'm dying here

I've been trying to sort that one out, too. But yes, BC as Darcy would be awesome!!!!

I imagine Mr. Darcy's cutting comments would sound especially hilarious, given Benedict's voice. He's fantastic in Sherlock. I wonder who would be a good match for him as Elizabeth.

Is it just me, or does John Travolta increasingly resemble a 1980's cartoon villain? He's like Gargamel with hair.

Dudes with lip rings are never not sketchy. Consider this your lesson for the day.

Let's go for an Austen marathon with Cumberbatch and Hiddleston in remakes of "Sense and Sensibility" _and_ "Pride and Prejudice". Hell, you could throw in Tom Hardy as an extra. Someone call a screenwriter, stat!

Lol at "similar (terrible) priorities."

I'm surprised how many people predicted doom for that relationship. Sure, it's a Hollywood relationship. Odds that it will last 10 years are low, just as they're low when we're talking about two sweet, well-liked stars. But Kim and Kanye have known each other for many years and it seems like they have very similar…

Thank you, Jessica.

Jessica, I owe you my career and, in a way, my sanity. You were there for me professionally when I lacked confidence, and personally when I needed a friend (without you, I have no idea what I would have done last year).

Thank you for fighting the good fight, Jessica. Every day, you and your amazing staff open this clueless guy's eyes more and more. I'm glad you're sticking around, though! :)

Dear god, that girl is so lucky, there are so many ways this could've gone horribly wrong.