I feel like I would have loved this in a pre-left shark world.

Was it ever really Beck vs. Beyonce? I always saw it as common decency vs. Kanye.

And this year's Nobel Peace Prize goes to Anonymous Internet DJ

You can stop now, Midwestern Christians are not an oppressed group.

Thank you! Here's an otter for your troubles.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the tale of Saint Basil Fuckoff, the patron saint of waiters and bartenders.

She should make a movie with Adele Dazeem.

My two rats, may they rest in peace, cost me hundreds of dollars in vet bills for their respiratory infections.

This. 100% this. The problem is the song and its style (yelling), not Idina.

I think it all went to hell after Christina hit that one note in Mulan, you know? After that it was all acrobatics.

Dave, you had me at cabbagepatching in traffic. Much LOL'ing.

Former breadstick master, I bow to you. That story was amazing. I was in the business for 38 years. If you don't find any humor in your stories, you'll die a slow, horrible death.

Speaking of stories, C. A. Pinkham, how does one submit a story for this page?

And again, two hours. Two. Exactly one hour and fifteen minutes longer than people that aren't evil would have stayed, as anyone that truly believed in our Lord and Savior Jesus Heffernan Christ and his teachings would have looked at our hours on the door, and been all, "Let's order to go," or, "Let's go bother the…

a leaking canoe full of emulsified dick-meats

How the hell is this not "pending approval"?

Yeah, and by focusing on getting women out of prison, it implies that either women are more innocent, or they're more childlike and can't handle prison.

"At least poop is the devil you know" might be my favorite quote about childbirth ever.

I know!

She writes these hit songs, and it's more than just a vanity credit. I'm not a pop or country fan, and Taylor Swift is mostly off my radar, but she's talented. Arguing otherwise makes you sound delusional.