I always wondered why they're in separate bath tubs... aren't they trying to have sex?

Well if nothing else, "I am jealous of Matt Lauer's tits" wins the award for Most Improbable Thing I've Ever Said.

Every single one of those ladies is doin' it wrong. I divert your attention to the only debutante the 'verse needs:

Start smoking! What good is your health if you sound like a preteen?

Feds to Rick Perry:

.....still looks sexy with his hair pushed back.

I am just about to take a nap.

I went to a cheerleader kegger once, and they were doing keg stands with NO HELP. Made me feel like such a loser. I always just wonder if cheerleaders only have sex with cheerleaders because they probably have the best sex ever.

I think when I was in high school I did a sit-up once.

And they say cheerleaders aren't athletes.

I was young and clueless about love but I never could understand how Jo turned down Christian freaking Bale - er, I mean Laurie.

Let's talk about the old Little Women and how good it is, and wait for this all to just blow over*.

The chorus reminds me of this gem:

I am a Jessica who has been called Jennifer all the time!

I think they have done, already. That stenographer only THINKS it's the Freemasons...

Are Tynnifers invited?

Agreed. Grande may have a better voice, she doesn't have better songs. Forget twerking, Drive and Wrecking Ball are better than anything I've heard from Grande.

The P is in the V, so I'm amused.

The Least? No, no, no. He's the MOST.

I feel extremely conflicted about this. On the one hand, I don't want to buy into the idea that she's too "old," because that's ridiculous — she's 29, not 60.