I had breast reduction surgery nearly 10 years ago and I was so excited to go shopping at Victoria secret. When I walked in, the sales woman offered to measure me and told me that I was a DDD. "The hell I am," I replied. The poor sales lady looked confused, as if this "news" should have made me happy. "I just paid…

4? That's even more than the 3 breasted alien from Total Recall!

They don't even carry my size. The lady there tried to convince me to go down 2 cups sizes and up 3 strap sizes.

Preach. Victoria Secret bras are expensive garbage.

My wife gave up shopping there years ago. Their radically non-standard cup sizes aren't really necessary, nor are they fooling anyone.

According to google JLO has had marriages that lasted as little as 8 months and 13 months. So something around that time frame, I'm thinking.

I'm 37 with three kids and that show scares the pants off me!

Tip #1: Don't ask, "Isn't your husband/father here to help you pick it out?"

He has Wild n' Out on MTV, he basically runs Nickelodeon's Teen division, he has his own production company and I think he manages a few artists. Dude has turned from an annoying teenager to an annoying business man. And good on him, IMHO.

I mean, if you're already a squirrel... is it that much of a fetish?

Bruno is incapable of looking angry. His gif would involve rainbows and squee.

We have a winner.

If I ran into Tina Fey again today, I would say: "You need to at least pay for my kids' braces or something from all the money that you made off of pretending that you're me! My goodness, you capitalized on that! Can't you contribute a little bit? Jeez!"

This entire video reminded me of the music video shoot in Wayne's World the movie, where Rob Lowe is working over Wayne's girlfriend, Tia Carrerrererereererrr (or however her name is spelled).
HERE is a picture of said scene.
Now take that, add in porno-levels of ass, and it is basically the exact same video. Rob…

What they don't realize is God made Man to hold my damn bag when I'm drinking whiskey.

I learned from a 45-year-old country song exactly why God made girls: to tell off the shaming bigots of the Harper Valley PTA.

My husband just worked a gig for a bunch of wealthy fucks. Someone in a Ferrari tried to steal a generator. They are just a bunch of classless fucks that think for some reason they are better, but trust. They are not.

I'm puzzled by this picture. This is a look you give to a catcaller as you pass by, denoting irritation, puzzlement and "WTF, man." It doesn't sell the soy protein lotion to this gal.

Beat me to it. It looks like they just grabbed a 20 year old fashion mag and lifted everything they found in it.

I am simultaneously attracted to and grossed out by Jared Leto. I refuse to allow myself to analyze that any further.