BREAKING NEWS: This site (as well as the entire internet) doesn't exist to take care of you. The very notion of trigger warnings is disempowering and infantilizing.

EDIBLE FLYPAPER LMAO I almost choked on my coffee.

This f'ing enrages me. Consumers who are willing to sully the name of a business or merchant, when that business has taken steps to already rectify a situation that was no one's "fault," need to seriously drop off the face of the planet. Why would they need to take her name and follow up with her? I'm sure the VS…

From a customer service standpoint, I agree, maybe not handled super well BUT if Pauline didn't notice the stains until she was pulling the bottoms off, it can't be expected that the staff in the store would have immediately noticed the stains when they were putting the garment away, either, right? It's possible the…

Eternal fuck-up gets $2 million to be on a reality show, followed by $1 million for a book about fucking up.

Life is fair.

Ms. Ryan, when you write things like "A Gathering of the Juggalos for Rick Santorum superfans," I fall in love with you all over again.

• Debating whether I have a mustache and, if I do, questioning whether other people see it.

Nah, ill hang around.

Whoopie's One Woman Show on Broadway in the 80s was EPIC.

For those of you who don't yet speak dick, let me translate:

oh my god i'm going to use "gender fascism" so much going forward

That is equal parts sad and hilarious.

Guitly confession: I hated the book and loved the musical. The book was too long and dense and boring. The characters weren't all that likable, so I didn't really care what happened to them. I tried reading a few other MacGuire books and found them all the same so I quit. But the musical was bright and vibrant and…

Confession time: when I was in high school, I called myself a masculinist, and thought that I was the smartest dude in the world for coming up with that. I reasoned that there are significant and serious issues facing men, and the women that fight for women are called feminists, and so we'd need a similar term for…

This will be me. From now on. On this stuff.

This is my face right now.

Get splash happy in the water rides of Minestrone Lagoon^®. Come face to face with the giant meatballs of Polenta Park^®. Venture through the mists of time as you experience the epic adventures of The Lost Gnocci^®. Plus experience new pulse-pounding rides including Ziti's Forbidden Journey, Flight of the Green Olive,…