Did these “hundreds of scientists” also explain one of the equipment managers being nicknamed “the deflator” and Brady destroying his cell phone?

No tacky icicle lights up after January 1st, or else!

The real sin is hearing tons of Bostonians pronounce “carport.”

Neh, it was the time his son hit a home run off him in Spring Training and the next pitch was up and in.

“Amphetamines? What do frogs have to do with this?”

- Emmitt Smith

Dubai is seriously exactly what would have happened if someone had given 13 year old me and my friends unlimited money and a big patch of empty land.

“Let drive Ferraris everywhere and make super tall buildings and make our own islands and air conditioned beaches and give firefighters jetpacks!”

“Yeah, and no girls…

Also, Deadspin needs more adorable cat pictures.

Panthers however use the bat to symbolize “bringing the wood”

This is unacceptable by Carolina. Trash-talk is fine, but once the baseball bats are introduced it becomes a blatant act of WAR.

With Zidane—a former Real and France legend who currently manages the club’s reserve team in the Spanish third division—waiting in the wings, Madrid have a ready replacement just waiting for the call.

I can’t wait until the Washington Mystics hire Mo Cheeks as their next head coach.

“Alcoholism is a disease. But it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having. Dammit Otto, you are an alcoholic! Dammit Otto, you have Lupus! One of those two doesn’t sound right.”

Oh no! The best regular column on Gawker Media is gone! :’(

No more Ask a Clean Person here?? I am a teary mess too, this is one of my favorite Gawker columns of all time. Thank you for all the amazing advice, Jolie! You saved my couch! I’ll be sure to check you out at Esquire, but you’ll be very missed here.

Let’s consult an expert on the subject, Bridget Moynahan.

Even fridge space gets co-opted. You will never buy a cold 30-pack at the store again, or else you will get The Look.

You can literally eat ice cream for dinner.

Their intentions are usually good, they are trying to be gallant and suave. They see Brad Pitt in a movie say "Let me buy that woman her drink" and think they should do it too. They don't understand that it puts the girl on the spot. The number one rule of trying t get with a girl is to never put her on the spot or…

As a fellow female, I have to say: YES. A MILLION TIMES YES. To all of the above.