With a smattering of Art Bell.

The worst things on the internet in 2019? The same as the worst thing on it since its inception.

Not the first time a Jared has gotten into trouble over underage girls.

Well, Wylie knows a thing or two about winning wars... Truman’s decision to drop him on Nagasaki ensured Allied victory in WWII

Don’t forget the Saturn too!

+1

Ranking U2 albums is like ranking prisons. Sure some are better than others, but not going to prison is the best alternative.

There were 3 shooters in the JFK shooting: Oswald, the grassy knoll, and a squirrel in a tree on Dealey Plaza.

Turkeys very well known for chasing children yet dumb Obama pardons one every year. Is weak on turkeys, many fowls laughing at us. I will be strong. Butterball stocks up!

When we were kids in the 80s and early 90s, my friends and I would call into the shows and start rumors. You’d have one guy call and say he had heard from a buddy that ‘so and so’ was on the trade block. Another guy would say he was down at a bar by Trib tower and heard two reporters talking about that player moving…

Ok:

“I told the trainers my groin was not responding.”

I can’t quite process how someone with so much potential could flame out so quickly. But trust that I’ll figure it out eventually. May take like a decade or more.

Kurt Cobain tried to warn us, fish don’t have any feelings. Damned bastards.

“A Keeper of Common Knowledge offers their wisdom when you need it least. They are bursting with things no person could possibly not know, and it spills out at the slightest relevance. They might insert themselves into a discussion about pro wrestling only to explain it’s fake. If you make eye contact with them at a…

My other thought is: poor Gorilla. He had 17 years of relative peace, and wherever he is he surely has to break “WILL YOU STOP” out of mothballs.

It’s not that the lesson is bad - it’s the way is lessoned is framed. Let’s say you wanted to teach the lesson that sharing is good and wrote two stories. In both stories the protagonist learns he should share with his friend: in the first story the protagonist is just greedy and selfish, but in the second story the…

I watched both cars movies in a row for the first time about two months ago, one after the other.

And no.

Cars 2 is a goddamn trainwreck. It’s a tonal mess that cannot fin it’s way to clarity on what movie it wants to be, lurching awkwardly from brutally violent spy thriller to Southern hick mocks foreign cultures…

Really, this must have been LeBron’s dream outcome from the very beginning of his return to Cleveland:

*receives pink slips*