Filed to: BOMB CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM

Zoooooooom

Tebow.

AC Green? Russell Wilson? But yes, this is awesome.

This is Deadspin, not Gawker. You should have gone with Mark Chmura.

I probably had the cutest girlfriend in all of sixth grade.

pardon his knowledge of history. He studied at a public school in Texas.

The poor fuckin’ lug at the end, whose Browns jersey (Trent Richardson, I think) isn’t quite big enough to fit over his many layers of clothes.

I mean, are we even sure McCown got hurt last night? That video could be old.

Holy shit: the “I hate the fucking Browns, I hate them so god damn much” guy… You can just hear it. The way the lunacy, desperation, and ultimately hatred is consuming any positive feelings he once had for a team he was raised to love by some cruel, uncaring family. Family toward which he may now reflexively harbor…

That second one is some found-footage horror shit.

Panther fans should be thrilled. The Redskins were shockingly acting like idiots, and their stupidity could provide the motivation to push Carolina to an undefeated 9-1 record.

That was pretty cold-blooded, but he’s right, the playcalling was abysmal.

Works better for him . Ensures he doesn’t get Willis McGahee’d in his last game.

Zeke is a damn hero. 100% true, don’t blame any of the players, coaching staff deserves to be roasted. Play calling all season has been awful.

Whatever’s wrong with you, don’t get help for it.

When I take my family to a public sacrifice to appease the cruel god of the void, I really hate it when an acolyte of Ner’huul makes an extra flourish with his bone knife or, and gosh this is THE WORST, when the High Priest makes a big show of eating the heart of the spring virgin. It’s like, act like you’ve BEEN…

CTE is doing some Minority Report shit now, affecting players before they even step foot in the NFL.

“I said you could use my resume as a template, not make a crazy sign on the back of it.”

One of the worst examples of announcing I’ve ever heard.