Welcome to the NFL, Joe Mixon. Just don’t burn tree and you’ll be all good. Instead, have some Oxy’s to numb your pain.

This is some hot take bullshit slopped out there in the interest of making the NFL relevant all-year long. It’s times like these where I really wish our country understood more about hockey.

My choice of doin’ it music in college (besides DMB) was Fleetwood Mac. One time while on the floor, trying to keep up with the percussion on Second Hand News, I misfired directly into the floor. The next morning I woke up with a purple nut-sack that was swollen to the size of a grapefruit. At the ER, they…

Stinks

That just made this make-up artist’s day

How’d you get that sweet boomerang-looking accent thingy on your typewriter?

This is sports radio talking something other than sports, basically the seventh circle of Hell

On Draft? Shoot, I was hoping to see some cans.

Do you get free Monster and Grizzly Spearmint with that?

You are either from the South Side, St. Louis or did not watch the World Series

No, definitely not, he retired before last season

Let’s say the gate agent (or highest ranking official around) makes the executive decision to either (a) have the two United employees drive the five hours to Louisville, or (b) pay a passenger an amount which exceeds the threshold stated in their employee handbook, that person gets fired 100% of the time. They lose…

Ummm.... the Dayton Flyers made it to the Elite 8 in 2014 as an 11-seed. How were they not a mid-major / Cinderella? This was the year after FGCU. Interestingly enough, both were dispatched by Florida.

Don’t forget about the Cougars...and Fighting Sue

...and he’s going to want some followers to go with it

I love living in Chicago. You can’t buy a drop of anything until Sunday at 11am, but after that it’s a free-for-all until 4am. The other night around 10pm, I was drinking a Lagunita’s IPA in the produce aisle with a handle of Tito’s in my cart. Outside of Vegas, it’s got to be the greatest place on earth to be a…

I clicked on this because I thought it said escorts, not esports. I have no idea what esports are... don’t judge me, nerd.

It turns out that at all award shows there are two sets of envelopes in case, ahem, something goes wrong. Somehow, Beatty was handed the backup Emma Stone envelope instead of the real Moonlight envelope.

In 2005, the NFL season began with Josh Scobee of the Jacksonville Jaguars kicking off to Josh Scobey of the Seattle Seahawks.