Another white person who just wants to make it clear they’re a “good” one.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Sam Bradford missed his calling. He could have been the finest salesman in history because his gift for convincing people to fork over insane lumps of cash in exchange for nothing is unimpeachable.

Seriously?

Christ. I wouldn’t trade a ziploc bag of used cat litter for Sam Bradford.

Someone please check on Drew.

Yup, I went there. This again. It’s Friday, I’m stuck at work and bored. Let’s fight, motherfuckers.

Symbols are easy. Nuance and thinking are, like, hard and shit.

This. If this happened more often when people file bullshit lawsuits, I bet there wouldn’t be as many.

Practice for the debates. Chemical sedation is how he’ll get through them.

This should all go just great!

“At the NFL pro shop, medical clinic and grill, the labiarium is our specialty!”

Get some science. Lose some fear.

“This broad gets it!”

But if you FRAME it that way, then it becomes You, Champion and Supporter of the Armed Forces, against That Disrespectful Guy (Who Happens To Be Black).

The extreme southern US, which is why this “slowly but surely spreading” shit is just hollow fearmongering. There are travel-related cases in a lot of states, but not many and humans are not and cannot become effective disease vectors for Zika unless they’re indiscriminately fucking like Wilt Chamberlain on Thai boner…

A handful of “eyewitness” reports said his leg was basically doing this, but at the knee:

Aww, fuck. You’re still employed.

I’m gonna try this when my boss says he’ll see us after the long weekend.

Somewhere in the distance, a thousand insufferable young college students can be heard feverishly pounding out Internet screeds about this being a metaphor for AMERICA’S OPPRESSION OF THE WORLD.

How To Speak To Someone Of Either Gender Who Is Taking A Shit: