Draper’s been sitting in the basement smoking clove cigarettes and listening to The Cure in a black turtleneck for the last two days.

“I love that we lose our assistant coach to a head coach position,” Lacob said. “That does great things for our legacy.”

“What is controversial about what I’m about to say, I will present in question form, rhetorical or otherwise, which is to say, furthermore, and also, that at the end of the day, there’s two ways to see this, and additionally, bubblegum chainsaw flip-flop shopping cart.”

Not since they became a publicly traded company.

Certainly someone has put together a flowchart of the “Super Bowl Rings x Criminal Charges” exchange rates. I assume the Ravens have one posted in the locker room.

“Look, there’s no question that Dante murdered 17 transients. That much is known. What isn’t as widely known, though, is that he routinely volunteers to ladle soup at the local homeless shelter.”

You could share the true identity of JFK’s killer and I still wouldn’t be able to deal with Marchman’s boring-ass voice and rambling to listen.

“Lighten up, bro; I have a black boss and he thinks this shit is hilarious. What’s the problem?”

Most Boneheaded Firing

Well, this all sounds about as expected.

You’re really sad.

Celebrities are people. Just like you or I, they need things out of a romantic relationship. Love, attention, companionship, compassion, a feeling of comfort when with their partner, sex, etc. Celebrities often need MORE love and attention than the average person because many of them are demented, crazy or otherwise…

Because this is her schtick. Very few men/boys are hardcore Taylor Swift fans, so there’s no incentive to keep her single so they can pine/lust after her in hopes that maybe they have a shot. She appeals almost exclusively to teen girls and young women. Teen girls and young women eat that romantic bullshit up with a…

Fun theory, but it’s pretty clear that Taylor is a sexless #brandroid with a sex life that consists, at most, of escaping to the back of her limos, planes and buses to diddle herself for 2-4 minutes every few weeks in between photo shoots, interviews and everything else. There is no way she has the time to have a…

Psssssst... You have no idea what Taylor Swift is like. Don’t assume she’s “diehard romantic” because her public persona is. You’re too old for that.

All of her relationships are fake. How could you make a real relationship work when the two of you are constantly on separate touring/recording/PR schedules? Why do you think she is so desperate to fill her social media with photos of her and her TOTALLY FOR REAL BOYFRIEND doing romantic things instead of just getting…

My guess is that since “private servers accessed by VPN” is impenetrable nerdspeak to me and I’m probably more computer/tech literate than the vast majority of individuals old and accomplished enough to own/run a football team, they don’t know any better.

There are no legitimate parallels to draw between W and Temer nor the American and Brazilian populations. W is your atheist cousin by comparison.

Know how I know you live somewhere that it never tops 80?

This. Say what you will about Mike Huckabee or Ted Cruz, but they are not leading the country and never will.