This happened to me. Very similiar. Someone called my Grandma pretending to be me and said I was in LA and got in a car crash, etc and needed money at the hospital because my nose was broken? I was in NYC, watching netflix when Grandma called me very concerned.

This is a labrador thing? My friend’s labrador has almost died twice (although this dog is nowhere near smart enough to open cupboards on his own): once after his girlfriend forgot to lock the dog’s food cupboard, and the second time when the cat unlocked the cupboard and was found watching the dog’s bloated, heaving…

I had a dog sort of like this. He wasn’t as keen on the non-edible items, and he was real dumb so he never figured out how to open shit, but if there was something edible anywhere accessible to him, he’d eat it. All of it. Until it was literally coming back out of both ends. Thank god for him being dumber than a box…

Those awful LGBTs want rights, but then they’re hypocritically doing normal things like engaging in commerce! I too am appalled!

Sausage. Duh.

Best robot voice ever!

SLAM-DUNK! CASE CLOSED! CLICHE’!

Ok, i Know I’ve said this a thousand times, but I’ll keep saying it.

A good friend knows whether it’s time to lie or time to tell the truth.

I think it’s a delicate balance of both. Sometimes white lies are appropriate, other times the brutal truth, and sometimes a flat out lie. I mean everyone lies, every day. Whether to themselves or their friends and family. Being a good friend isn’t easy, sometimes you mess up. I try to be honest as much as possible,…

While I wholeheartedly support donating to PP, I would like to vent for a moment.

I want some of my taxes to go to that organization as well. The whole point of government is to do for people what people cannot do for themselves.

I’ve done it!

“IF SALON TELLS YOU TO, WOULD YOU DRONE MATT DAMON”

“ARE YOU A ROBOT”

You can let her fry for up to five minutes before saving her.

Counterpoint: that time in Firefly where you get to see Mal naked, twice, due to use of this device.

You had me at, “smoke a doob”

Well, partly because accepting less functional norms lowers the bar all around. Partly also because little kid stuff is magic and moonbeams and possibility and unicorns, and giving scads of money to people who trample over that precious innocent time because they can’t be bothered to do better is actively nauseating.…