The dude TOLD THE VICTIM “I need to do this to cum” (paraphrasing). So yeah, he’ll never do this again. I cannot even. 

There was none to inherit in the first place.

A sociopath made it through the rigorous screening and background checks for a D-list reality show? You don’t say.

It could have been worse: Buruma could’ve let Garrison Keillor write a “Woe Is Me!” essay, which probably would have run at least 18,000 words.

I’m a proofreader. That’s my job. I love Gizmodo Media and everything but man, some of the syntax is damn near comical. Word order matters. Really.

“Separation of church and state? Fuck that shit, lulzzzz” — Sarah Huckabee Sanders

OH THANK GOD Jian Ghomeshi, a 52-year-old man who wears his hair like Justin Bieber did 12 years ago, and who has never said anything interesting in his entire life, and who fancies himself a poet, is back. If you’re bored, Google up the weird, self-congratulatory and of course, entirely tone deaf Facebook post…

“They’d be perfectly OK with a POTUS who proposed sterilizing every white person with an IQ below 100 ...”

This is so surprising, after all the intelligent, well-reasoned things Trump had to say during the campaign. Remember how he bored us all with statistics and lengthy sidebars about”The Wealth of Nations”?

I would watch the shit out of a movie with McConaughowever you spell it attempting a Welsh or Scottish or Irish accent.

Judy Greer just feels guilty because she banged Affleck while Jennifer Garner was out teaching blind kittens to read

McConaughieffyye’s (sp?) quotes are three times as worse if you imagine them being spoken in his voice: “Y’all, it’s kahnd of a stark remaahhhhnder that we see evr daaaay ...”

Wingnuts have never been shy about wishing death on political opponents, yet liberals are supposed to be “bigger people” and “adults” and “rational” and “try to understand why these folks have so much ‘economic anxiety’” and all that jazz. Which is utter bullshit, as we’ve seen how well the “reaching across the aisle”…

I kinda wonder, if it was still on the air, how “Designing Women” would handle all the Confederate flag/monument issues. “Hamfistedly” would be my No. 1 guess.

That’s where he feels the chest pains after his third po-boy sammich

I never cared for LBT’s shows — not because they featured strong women, but because they had that shouty, affected quality that most network sitcoms have — but good for her.

Are we sure this isn’t some crazy new “racist southern dipshit” character by Patton Oswalt in drag? Because the whole teacher + numerous spelling errors thing seems too on the nose.

Subway had a veggie patty that was fucking awesome. I’m not even vegetarian and I loved it. Sigh.

Everybody talks about how stupid and ignorant Trump is, but his little Jesusbot veep is just as, uh, “gifted” in that department.

The owner is a Trump-humping dickfart who goes on canned hunts and claims to be self-made even though his daddy gave him the start-up funds for his business. And then there’s the aggressively mediocre food his chain sells. New bread won’t change much.