#micdrop

It's kind of nice to see this fashion freakout happen to Barack instead of Michelle or Hillary for a change. WELCOME TO CLOTHING-BASED SURFACE JUDGEMENT, MEN OF AMERICA #whatisfeminismtho

Where is Jackson Galaxy when you need him most?

I see the Steve Carell resemblance, but that broad looks absolutely nothing like Kristen Schaal.

The music is giving me an aneurysm.

I used to hook up with this hot but also kind of creepy older firefighter in high school. We would go for drives and make out and pretty everything but PIV because I was a virgin and I was like "no fucking way am I going to want this situation to be a memorable experience, but I'm horny so whatever finger me in the…

Sadly, Bat Bat's adorable old dad had a stroke shortly after the incident (fuck, I almost had a stroke too, sorry guy). He stayed at his house out on an island for the next year before he passed away so I never saw him again. He did give me back an extra hundred dollars in my security deposit, though, so I think that…

I think she ended up getting sued instead. Turns out, she had distributed Emily's belongings between our neighbors' trash cans throughout the neighborhood. When the neighbors found them, they called the police because they were like "Hey, I definitely did not put these expensive textbooks and digital camera in here,…

I lived in a semi-boarding house situation after moving to a new city for a semester program. The old man who owned the house was really nice and was around frequently. His son kept the house in good shape, but his daughter lived on the first floor in an only semi-separate apartment. It was the cheapest thing I could…

Ohhhh man. Plenty of Fish, circa 2009. I was finishing college, overwhelmed by a senior project and really hankering for free dinner and a reasonable lay. Having run out of options in my female-dominated, tiny, hippie school, I signed up for this free dating site. There wasn't much to look at, a lot of guys who were…

A: Why is he bleeding so much? Did someone finally punch him in the face? B: What is the fucking feather quasi-headdress this chick has on? What tribe do you think you're in, sweetheart? No, no. Urban outfitters is not a tribe.

I know we're playing the first period game here, but since I have a way more terrible period story, you can have that instead. My first period was boring, you don't want to hear about it anyway.

I was living in a big house in college with five other ladies and we were all really down to party. I had been smoking a lot of weed that year, so I was feeling pretty confident and decided to combine grass with liquor: big mistake. As the night went on, I was taking bong hits out of a four-foot glass beauty named…

Wellllllll it all started with an awkward unrequited crush on my guy friend. I never had the balls to ask him out, but we decided to go as "friends." We shared a taste for the dramatic and picked out perfectly matching cream colored outfits, with me in a Marilyn-inspired silk gown and him in a tuxedo that would have…

In the back of a packed bowling alley during "glow bowling," up against a pin setting machine. Black lights and strobe lights everywhere, balls smashing through pins drowning out the noise. Side note: he was a professional bowler (what?).

Hahaha, I used to work on a research vessel out of Bar Harbor and the whale watch crew would call us over the radio every day to give us a puke report. "FRIENDSHIP V TO INDIGO, COME IN INDIGO." "INDIGO" "90 PERCENT CHUM LEVELS TODAY, WATCH THE SWELLS IF YOU'RE HEADED TO THE ROCK. "ROGER THAT." Thanks for bringing back…

Okay, so Barbie all the way at the end on the right -what is going on with that neckline? It looks like her plastic, nipple-less boobs are escaping. Has the barbie next to her been photoshopped to have thinner arms, resulting in some meta-plastic-body-blur? I sure hate when my Barbies skip the gym and get that arm…

Incorrect, Ms. Hendrickson. This is clearly the pancake effigy of the fearless warrior Gimli, son of Glóin.

Fun fact, I work for a trade journal that shall not be named and a few years ago, I wrote a story about a company that repaired this guy's house after a fire. They had to hire security because the dirty poor people removing smoke-damaged drywall couldn't be trusted to not steal the GOLD-PLATED FIXTURES that were…