Attempts at satire are now futile. Reality has become a satire that is more disturbing than anyone’s imagination is capable of surpassing. 75% of those headlines seem more than plausible.

I thought we’d moved on to the 90s.

No that would be the Special Clerical Associate of the Army.

He makes his secret male escorts wear Navy outfits.

It’s to humiliate the guy

If you use ‘sensitive snowflake’ in a sentence without satire, odds are pretty good you’re a douche. Never mind the irony that he’s so super-sensitive about not getting what he wants that he has to take to Twitter to vent about it.

It strikes me like one of those pre-written obits that news organizations keep on hand for people of interest.

On the bright side, this should give the Rams some added leverage when negotiating Fisher’s next contract. 

Hey buddy, want to hear about me not having Gordon on my fantasy team?

Same. I’m looking at starting Rashad Jennings in the playoffs and I hate myself for caring and posting about it publicly. Kinda cathartic though, in a loser way.

Fucking beat me to it. +1 (point margin of victory).

I think they only write for the slot on the weekends if something huge happens (think like terrorist attack or something), or there is a pre-scheduled weekend event that they would be covering (such as a debate). But I agree, with no Gawker proper, there needs to be a 7-day-a-week political news presence

Maybe it will be good for Penn State to get a sense of how it feels to have its case ignored.

Is an abortion of a season now also a forgiveable sin?

Dear Trump supporters - please boycott my vacation fund next.

There needs to be a super-delegate star for comments like that.

“Those people can use that word, but I can’t? That’s discrimination.” —every Trump voter.

This is what Donald Trump says every time he looks at his polling numbers among African-Americans.

Well, you can’t spell “Jeurys Familia, NYM” without “injures my family.”

Please, go on..