"She even offered them $100,000 more than the price they paid for it to allow them to take over the house. That's how important it was," Patton said.

Don't cut yourself, being so edgy.

I'm starting to think that Goodell and the NFL are lying about their handling of the Ray Rice incident.

Some secretary is about to to jump on the grenade, get a 5 million dollar golden parachute, sign a confidentiality agreement, blow through the 5 mill in a year, and come out that she did INDEED show the vid to Goodell on a very special episode of Oprah. Book it!!

Done.

Update: Mike Tyson Elected Mayor of Toronto

Goodell has mishandled this so badly that his actions make TMZ seem like a professional and dignified news organization.

Their earlier tweets are pretty corny and tone-deaf. But, to be fair, they say that delivery is 90% of comedy, and DiGiorno doesn't do delivery.

I seriously love that it's actually possible Goodell will actually be fired for this.

Well that's just a whole bunch of sad right there. Sad because she thinks it's a ratings ploy, sad that she defends her husband, sad that it reminds me that even after everything that went down she made that man her husband, sad that it took the second video for this punishment to come down when the first was horrific…

Berman: When Ray Rice entered the elevator, he swung at Janey and she went back-back-back-back-back-back-back to the wall.

I don't really care about football, but I also don't really care about women. Is there some way I can use these two facts to make myself feel morally superior to everyone else without really accomplishing anything?

First of all, Adam, it's not called a "ring". It's called a "bridle". And that's not where it goes.

Avoid being sexually attractive

How dare you talk about my beaver skins like that