This is a good take.

My camping equipment includes an aeropress because I’m a sophisticated outdoors enthusiast. 

Getting some real All Tomorrows vibes here.

I wouldn’t wait in a damn 2-hour line to cure cancer, much less a fucking burrito.

How else are you supposed to cut the oxygen into little pieces?

Here’s a neat little egg fact that most folks don’t know:

I only do a pan-flip when I’m deep-frying stuff.

I bet the future will look like this. In the phenomenally wealthy enclaves of a few outrageously wealthy nations. Under huge domes.

I just add a couple tbsp of dish soap. Does it help with boil-over? No. But it adds a nice little kick of flavor.

“Beefy Ranch” sounds pretty unappetizing.

This is an outrage! Well, I’m off to the PTA meeting where I will demand that white children only be taught Hypocritical Race Theory. 

Hey, I agree with this guy. I also think that all regressive shitbirds should sacrifice themselves. Y’know. For America.

I’m not clear on the pounds-per-week meat metric. Because 2 lbs of iberico is gonna do a different sort of damage to 2 lbs of chicken parts.

Final straw; if I have to pay one goddamn more penny for my $5.99 12oz cold-pressed vegetable detox juice, I’ll abandon my life and join a fringe prepper militia.

Every time I see cyber-keanu, I think of johnny 5-aces. 

No lives matter at lululemon, actually.

Sorry, but fritos are easily the worst chip Man has creatred.

shut up, bitch.

Imagine going through life as one of these intolerant fucks. It must be just miserable.