Most cicadas come out every year. It’s just the American ones that are on a funny schedule.

Frozen water.

I don’t think anybody’s allergic to peanuts.

Oof. Devastatingly pathetic.

Lol at the “include many words not appropriate for federal court.” Ok buddy. Sure.

I don’t even own  a tube.

Chicken katsu from Lawson.

I drink vinegar for fun. I really dig that weird, para-orgasmic shiver that runs down your body when you take a shot of something extremely sour. Am I over-sharing? Well too bad, motherfuckers.

Chicken Katsu from Lawson is actually the best. Sorry about your slideshow.

Regarding the intro; I work on railroads and rail transit systems all over NA. The concept of a random worker finding some strange substance on the ground and eating it doesn’t seem very far-fetched. 

Given that olives are the best part of a martini, a glass stuffed with like 30 of them would probably be sweet. If I weren’t so timid, I’d just order a glass of olives and a “super, super, dry- you know what, just cold gin” martini on the side. 

Or my beloved Trippin’ Balls ...

I can relate. My dog is an objectively bad dog. He’s a golden — gentle as can be around humans, but incredibly reactive and unpredictable around other dogs. I have to muzzle him when we go for walks in case he lunges at a passing dog. Obviously, can’t go to dog parks or off-lead areas. Bums me out.

Mushrooms are outrageously nuanced and delicious. Broil a maitake with sesame oil and salt. Poach some morels in butter. Garlic and chanterelle pappardelle. Enokitake and asparagus wrapped in pork belly.

I still use the same card my father used and his father before him. It’s a good, American-made diesel workhorse capable of sussing out up to 12 floating point operations per second. When she runs hot, I just pop the housing and spray a little water on the radiator tines. Was able to render 1/1,000,000 of the first…

It’s technically called a “Croque Señor”.

I’ve been panic-buying bacon for my entire life.

I have a huge amount of frozen bacon from Zingerman’s that I’m slowly working my way through. When I cook it up, I crowd the fuck out of the pan and then I jealously sequester the fat for my experiments.

The fine should be a % of your net worth, rather than a flat fee.

Yeesh. Well, I hope he kills himself.