Regarding the intro; I work on railroads and rail transit systems all over NA. The concept of a random worker finding some strange substance on the ground and eating it doesn’t seem very far-fetched. 

Given that olives are the best part of a martini, a glass stuffed with like 30 of them would probably be sweet. If I weren’t so timid, I’d just order a glass of olives and a “super, super, dry- you know what, just cold gin” martini on the side. 

Or my beloved Trippin’ Balls ...

I can relate. My dog is an objectively bad dog. He’s a golden — gentle as can be around humans, but incredibly reactive and unpredictable around other dogs. I have to muzzle him when we go for walks in case he lunges at a passing dog. Obviously, can’t go to dog parks or off-lead areas. Bums me out.

Mushrooms are outrageously nuanced and delicious. Broil a maitake with sesame oil and salt. Poach some morels in butter. Garlic and chanterelle pappardelle. Enokitake and asparagus wrapped in pork belly.

I still use the same card my father used and his father before him. It’s a good, American-made diesel workhorse capable of sussing out up to 12 floating point operations per second. When she runs hot, I just pop the housing and spray a little water on the radiator tines. Was able to render 1/1,000,000 of the first…

It’s technically called a “Croque Señor”.

I’ve been panic-buying bacon for my entire life.

I have a huge amount of frozen bacon from Zingerman’s that I’m slowly working my way through. When I cook it up, I crowd the fuck out of the pan and then I jealously sequester the fat for my experiments.

The fine should be a % of your net worth, rather than a flat fee.

Yeesh. Well, I hope he kills himself.

Poach them in high quality butter. Throw caution to the buttery wind. 

Welp, gonna go re-read some Best Restaurant in New York classics. 

Yeah, Annie’s is the shit. The shit, I tell you. I like the bunny shaped noodles. 

Still there. Last time I was there was about 5 years ago — wasn’t as great as I remembered, but worth it for the nostalgia kick.

Ah, yes but I’m lapsed. Super lapsed. I couldn’t be any more lapsed. 

The term “private parts” is one of the most cringe-inducing euphemism/dysphemisms on the planet. People who refer genitals as “private parts” are somehow worse even than people who say “acrosst”. But just barely.

My favorite easter treat is lamb. When I was growing up in Chicago my family would do a lamby feast at the Greek Islands around Easter. Now I just eat lamb kebabs alone in the dark. 

Soondubu, hiyayakko tofu, raw ground beef.

My mask has an airlock/decon chamber built in, so I actually can eat while masked-up.