Sometimes I can’t believe how much I love mushrooms. Morels, chanterelles, shiitake, maitake, oh, how I love em.

I know guardians can eat, but they kill themselves so frequently, I assume they don’t really have to? Which ... I may have developed a new diet fad.

Is atomic-bomb denial the hip, cutting edge of holocaust denial? 

You know what they say: You don’t fuck with The Culture.

He looks like a peasant. Like, an actual video game peasant; cluttering up some dilapidated pig farm.

Well that sounds delicious.

I’m traveling during thanksgiving, because I’m always traveling; I bought a condo last month and I haven’t even been there yet. Anyway, there are only 2 family members I give a fuck about and they’re in quarantine at the Mayo Clinic. Wheee

A porkflesh spider made out of chicken, is what I’m getting at.

Turkey, or The Grand Turk as it’s often known, isn’t inherently bad, but I have some critiques.

Oh you and your probes.

My favorite grocery store when I was young was “Hannibal Creamsmith-Chang’s General & Sundries”. Men and women were required to wear hats while within, and certain firearms were required to be checked at the door (breech-locking semi auto pistols and single-shot rimfire handguns were allowed, for some obscure reason).…

I only drink out of ceramic cups with the finest craquelure. If I’m served a beverage in any other vessel, I hurl it out the nearest window and slam my face onto the table as hard as possible. 

I got a pair of biodegradable forks attached to my body, they’re called fingers.

Theoretically, yes

I’m not even remotely vegan, but I prefer a damn soy milkshake. Remember those soy “shakes” in a pouch that healthfood stores sold in the 90s? I still crave one now and then. 

Hmm. For me it was Jellied Eel and Meatpies, served up by proprietor Gallwhistle Undercarriage and his 12 identical sons. He worked the banks of the Thames, selling his truly hideous and flavourless gelatinous eel morsels in the rarified, but also thick and choking, Georgian air of glorious London. It was a wondrous…

I wish I could play, but I’m stuck in a hotel with shit wifi (and no hard wire available) at least until the 25th. Woe is me. Woe :(

Here’s a favorite of mine, lately. Can you guess what show it references?

Kimchi, pickled cukes, pickled garlic, pickled lotus root, pickled daikon, pickled green tomatoes, pickled mustard greens. A pickle platter. In my mouth. 

The “hamburger” is just named after a person/place so why not name your meatless thing after, I dunno, Butte Falls. And call it the “Butte Faller”. McDonalds Buttefaller.